The Art Of Charm | High Performance Techniques| Cognitive Development | Relationship Advice | Mastery Of Human Dynamics

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you go back to your long-term marriage that needs work once you've become infatuated with someone who reminds you of all the things your partner is not? As we learned in episode 499 with Kimberly Seltzer, boundaries are imporant. But how do we know if we're closing ourselves off with too many boundaries? If you're an educator who's had to make countless compromises, it's hard not to become jaded when work politics hamstring the passion that got you into your field in the first place. Is there a way to realign your perspective and avoid the mounting bitterness you've been feeling about your job before you just leave it all behind for good? Some fan mail we get goes beyond the scope of our expertise, and we have to recommend professional help. Kimberly Seltzer gets another mention here for her in-depth episode about how to fi

Shep Gordon (@SupermenschShep) is a talent manager, Hollywood film agent, producer, and author of They Call Me Supermensch: A Backstage Pass to the Amazing Worlds of Film, Food, and Rock'n'Roll. He was featured in Mike Meyers' documentary Supermensch: The Legend of Shep Gordon about his life and times. The Cheat Sheet: How do you create history rather than waiting for it to happen? Do you have to be a jerk to make it in Hollywood? What's Shep's coupon system? What's the most selfish thing you can do? Is fame toxic? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/shep-gordon-supermensch-maui-episode-544/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Robert Cialdini (@RobertCialdini) is a speaker, consultant, and author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion and, most recently, Pre-suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade. The Cheat Sheet: What is "pre-suasion," and how does it relate to the concepts inside influence? How persuasive people shape others' behavior and how we can use these techniques on others -- as well as ourselves. How to gain and retain someone's attention. How language, geography, and imaging alter our perceptions of what causes events -- and how the media uses these principles to influence us and set its agenda. How to increase our appeal by causing others to focus on us (and why this phenomenon often lands innocent people in jail). And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/robert-cialdini-pre-suasion-episode-543/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find th

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away. It'll make you more magnetic and effective. Today, we're joined by recent guest, Unmistakable Creative host, and author of Unmistakable: Why Only is Better Than Best, Srini Rao. He'll tell us how to write 1,000 words a day without even thinking about it. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: In order to effortlessly write 1,000 words a day, you need to make it second nature in your daily routine -- like brushing your teeth. Writing by hand vs. writing by keyboard. Activation energy: the fewer steps there are for you to do something, the more likely you are to actually do it. Have the tools of your routine on hand and ready to perform. To minimize distractions, Srini recommends loading up Focus at Will (a subscription music service that helps you focus -- with science!), and blocking all attention-grabbing websites (or your browser itself) for an hour. If you're writing on a laptop, have y

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: You've been so busy building a life for you and your family that, through long hours of work and school, you worry you've forgotten how to have fun. How do you get your mojo back to be the best self your wife deserves? How do you hustle hard and make sure to get decent sleep every night? If your significant other is on hookup sites "just to make new friends," how do you know they're not cheating on you? A New Yorker weighs on on how diversity can be an asset rather than a drawback in the modern dating scene -- if you're looking in the right places. A listener who went through dual enrollment (as discussed in FMF 75) tells us how it's got him on track to graduate with an MBA at age 20. Quick shoutouts to Charles Anderson -- who has been on the Internet for 40 years -- and Anni Viskus, an Estonian in Denmark who considers AoC her nu

Lecrae (@lecrae) is a two-time Grammy winning hip hop artist and author of Unashamed, the autobiography about his rocky path to becoming a chart-topping industry anomaly. The Cheat Sheet: How do you make it to the top of the hip hop world as an introvert? What it takes to filter the right role models and mentors when you grow up fatherless. How to separate criticism from valid feedback. Lecrae shares his Beyoncé party story. How does Lecrae deal with the nagging pangs of Imposter Syndrome? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/lecrae-unashamed-episode-542/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Srinivas Rao (@unmistakableceo) is the host and founder of the Unmistakable Creative podcast -- where he's interviewed more than 700 people from all walks of life -- and author of Unmistakable: Why Only is Better Than Best.   The Cheat Sheet: The power of long-term commitment. Avoiding the Idea Echo Chamber. Why your goal should be to become the only and not just the best. The support systems around being creative. How to borrow from other works without staying in the realm of what's been done before. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/srinivas-rao-why-only-is-better-than-best-episode-541/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the 15th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Today, we're going to address sore spots and accommodating old injuries. Here goes: The Cheat Sheet: We all experience sore spots -- physical as well as mental -- every now and then. But sometimes these sore spots have been with us so long that we forget what put them there in the first place. Just one injury can set off a chain reaction of unconscious maladjustment -- with body or mind -- that can affect everything we do. The older the injury, the more widespread the effects. In what ways have you been injured that cause you to act differently? Does an old shoulder injury negatively modify your posture? Does an old embarrassment make you insecure or oversensitive about something? This week: think about your sore spots. What are they, and when do they show up? What triggers them? How have you been rearra

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. As an added bonus, Gabriel Mizrahi joins us! In this episode: How do you call out a friend when you see them slipping up without ruining the relationship? Why do bad bosses happen to good employees? Can loving your rewarding job be enough if the person deciding the direction that job can take is someone you don't trust or respect? What can you do to blend into a new company culture without coming across as desperate for social attention? Quick shoutouts to Fei Wu -- who bribed Jordan with a ton of nice Chinese pu-erh tea to get him on her podcast -- and to Patrick McCabe, who is starting his voiceover business and helped rewrite some of the AoC intro scripts! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-76-vengeance-or-vali

James Altucher (@jaltucher) is a serial entrepreneur, speaker, podcaster, and author of several books, including Choose Yourself: Be Happy, Make Millions, Live the Dream. He joins us to talk about -- among many things -- the benefits of minimizing expectations for maximum happiness. The Cheat Sheet: Need to jump start happiness? Lower your expectations. People seem to react better to advice by autobiography than advice by slogan. If a giant stack of money is your be-all, end-all measure of success, you might want to redefine success (or prepare for a heaping helping of disappointment). How does someone live well without renting or owning? The checklist James uses to make sure he's operating as his best self (which also keeps him from disappointing others). And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/james-altucher-minimal-expectations-episode-540 HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out fr

Shawn Blanchard (@Shawntb) has overcome a past of drug dealing and limited options to become a speaker, mentorship specialist, and author of How 'Bout That For A Crack Baby: Keys to Mentorship and Success. The Cheat Sheet: How does someone go from living a double life of academic success and criminal enterprise to mentoring kids and helping them realize their potential? How Shawn found mentors -- or as he calls them, friendtors -- from among his peers. People want to help you. If you want to be a good mentor, you've got to be a good mentee. Mentorship isn't necessarily about creating high performers, but in making people better than they would have been without you. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/shawn-blanchard-from-miscreant-to-mentor-episode-539/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iT

Welcome to the 14th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Today, we tried to come up with a word for the opposite of worry. We failed, but it doesn't mean we can't put the idea to practice as we try to understand why worrying never helps. The Cheat Sheet: Have you ever seen Bridge of Spies with Tom Hanks? If you have, you might remember this line: "Would it help?" (We won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it.) Worrying is what we do when there's nothing we really can do. It's counterproductive. Worrying causes stress, which interferes with our performance, energy levels, and focus -- which makes it harder to deal with what we're worrying about in the first place. The cure for worry? Presence (as recently discussed with Amy Cuddy, author of Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges). Focus on the task at hand. Face forward, but don't li

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: If you believe weird things, one of them might be in thinking it's a good idea to visit a psychic with your significant other for a preview of the future. You had a bad breakup. Months later, when your ex joins your co-ed softball team and those familiar feelings of affection reignite, is it better to let the other person know how you feel, or should you just sever all ties at the end of the season? Are you a driven teenager (or the parent of one) who feels like high school is just a waste of time? Check out dual enrollment as an option and get a head start on college. A listener who enjoyed our episodes with Duana Welch finds himself newly single. He wonders about the proper way to disclose to potential dates what some may see as non-glamorous employment -- without being deceptive. Dating can be hard -- but an immigrant might fin

Dacher Keltner is a professor of psychology at University of California in Berkeley, one of the world's foremost scientists specializing in the study of power, and author of The Power Paradox: How We Gain and Lose Influence. The Cheat Sheet: You don't have to be Machiavellian to appreciate that Niccolo Machiavelli was the OG power scientist. The imbalance of power is the greatest threat to society (just after climate change). Powerlessness can literally be lethal. Learn how we can increase our power relative to others in a healthy way. What is The Power Paradox, and how does it affect us and society at large? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/dacher-keltner-the-power-paradox-episode-538/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Sta

Sebastian Junger (@sebastianjunger) is a journalist, filmmaker, and bestselling author; he joins us to discuss his latest book Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging and his experiences covering war for the past 20 years. The Cheat Sheet: Why do some people get addicted to war and recall times of crisis with fondness? Does an affluent society free of hardship and danger deprive its citizens of an intrinsic need to be useful? Are war journalists armed, and do they contribute to group defense in the field? What happens when someone who's been through war comes home, and why is it often so difficult for them to reintegrate into society? Why is there a phrase for "going native" but not "going civilized?" And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/sebastian-junger-tribe-episode-537/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review t

Welcome to the 13th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges author and recent guest Amy Cuddy joins us to talk about something a lot of us experience: Imposter Syndrome. The Cheat Sheet: Do you ever feel like you don't belong where you are? That you don't deserve what you have? That everyone else is smarter than you? You might be experiencing Imposter Syndrome. This doesn't just apply to high achievers -- it happens to almost everyone (80%), and is not limited by demographic. Do you remove yourself from situations where you worry you might be "found out" for not being good enough? Common avoidances: speaking at events, performing, taking on challenges, and talking about this feeling with anyone else -- because we feel completely alone in this condition. Pluralistic Ignorance: the feeling that everyon

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: What news sources do we trust to keep us informed about current events? If you're still in college, is a long distance relationship a worthwhile pursuit -- or will it just hold you back from achieving other goals? Is there such a thing as too much personal development? Can someone really become unknowingly deficient in relationship skills because they're too absorbed in their own journey? How does one get started in the industry of self-help and personal growth? When your estranged parents reach out and want to visit you on the other side of the ocean, is it wrong to tell them that now's not a good time? Quick shoutouts to Mitch, a producer at a studio Jordan used (he turned out to be an AoC fan just by coincidence!) and Chris Johnson, who's deciding whether or not to do his own podcast now that he sees some of the work that goes

Amy Cuddy (@amyjccuddy) is a social psychologist, TED Talk speaker, and author of Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges. The Cheat Sheet: What is presence, and why do the charismatic seem to have it in abundance while so many of us struggle to find it regularly in ourselves? Presence is a renewable resource -- not a permanent state. Confident body language begets confidence and presence. Arrogance isn't a proxy for confidence -- why inauthenticity undermines trust, how you can keep yourself from conveying it, and how to spot it in someone else. Extroverts don't have an unfair advantage when it comes to commanding presence; by the same token, introverts aren't at a disadvantage. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/amy-cuddy-presence-episode-536/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Revie

Bob Burg (@BobBurg) is the co-author of The Go-Giver: A Little Story About a Powerful Business Idea, a parable with dynamic business principles and life lessons that we can all apply with great effect. The Cheat Sheet: Why the world isn't dog-eat-dog. The Five Laws of Stratospheric Success -- how they apply to your business and personal life. How we add value without giving away the bank and hurting our own business or interests. How we give without being obsessed with the results. As the old adage goes: how you do anything is the way you do everything. And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/bob-burg-the-go-giver-episode-535/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/ad

Welcome to the 12th episode of Minisode Monday! We keep finding so many useful tactics and tips that we want to share with you, but they don't fit into the format of a regular show -- hence, Minisode Monday. We take on roles when interacting with others. But are we in control of the roles we play, or do they come about by default or inaction? Let's find out here! The Cheat Sheet: When interacting with others, we all play roles. Sometimes these roles complement each other, and sometimes they clash. We don't always choose the roles we play. Sometimes they just happen by default or plain inaction. When two people are working together to get something done, one person may take the supporting role of ladder holder and the other, the ladder climber. In the ladder example, there's nothing wrong with taking on either role. But did you arrive at your respective roles by choice, or did one of you take the initiative to select one and the other just fell into the one left over? This week, think about the roles you play