Intentional Living With Tanya Hale

Our desire to control all the things - the people, the situations, the how's, when's, why's, and where's - is destroying our lives.  It comes packaged in cute phrases akin to,"I just want you to be happy and successful", but our relationships are suffering and our sense of well-being is always teetering on the edge of misery.  Today we're talking about how to more clearly see our controlling behaviors and how to let go of them.

You know who I'm talking about.  Those people who push your buttons, who are so challenging to love, and who make you question yourself.  Today I will give you the tools to know how to deal with the most difficult people in your life in the most effective way - and it probably won't be what you think!

I recently completed what is called a 90-day relationship - a predetermined time for a relationship in which you commit to intentionally create a healthy partnership and work through all of the inevitable struggles.  It was brilliant and beautiful and I loved every second of it.  At the end of 90 days we ultimately decided our paths were diverging, but it was an amazing experience I would do all over again, even knowing the heartache waiting for me at the end.  

Sometimes our relationships can tend to get a little shallow. Specifically I notice my relationship with God, with myself, and with others can all struggle at times. That's because relationships are never a 'one and done' situation — they require consistent nourishment if they are to thrive and continue to deepen in intimacy. Today's we'll chat about four things we can do to keep connected and moving forward in our relationships.

Just because you're single doesn't mean you have to be lonely.  Lonely is a feeling caused by our thoughts, when we learn to be more intentional about our thoughts, we will be more fulfilled and happy with where we are, single or not.  What thoughts are holding you back and which ones with move you forward?  Let's chat about it.

The first time we realize that our brain consistently lies to us, it can seem a little strange.  I think we have this underlying belief that our brain processes and figures things out and always tells the truth.  But it doesn't.  And generally the lies it tells don't serve us very well and move us into a better version of ourselves.  Usually the keep us stuck in a place we don't want to be.  Today we'll chat about how to figure out when your brain is lying and what to day about it.

All of us engage in dysfunctional behavior, unhealthy patterns of behavior that create disconnection.  Sometimes we're completely unaware of the dysfunction, but other times we intentionally choose to look away and not see it because it can be so uncomfortable.  Only when we are willing to step in and take a closer look, engage with the dysfunction, and move into healing it can we create the connections and the relationships we desire.

One of the toughest things about being a parent of adult children is letting go of the desire to continue to parent them.  We have been so used to having expectations of how we want them to behave and what we want them to do, that letting go of that can be difficult.  But once they're adults, it's time to friend-zone them and step away from parenting them.  Let's talk about how to do that.

Some of us can have strong physical and emotional reactions to being wrong, and it can make us very resistant to the experience. But learning to look for and embrace the experience of being wrong can have some amazing benefits to us. When we learn to step into the more humble space of understanding where we are wrong, we can step into a stronger and happier version of ourselves.

Forgiving can sometimes be so difficult.  When we feel we have been severely wronged, letting go of the pain and the anger and the resentment can seem overwhelming.  And sometimes, we don't even know where to start with moving into forgiveness.  Today we are going to talk about how to do just that.  How to forgive anyone.  It may seem a pretty large task, but it is possible.

Kindness has so often been associated with acts - Acts of Kindness.  What if we were to back this up a bit and start with Thoughts of Kindness and see the difference it would make in how we, and the recipients of our kindness, felt?  Focusing on our thoughts rather than our acts will create a completely different experience.

All of us tend to have manuals for how we believe other people should behave.  What we find, is that our expectations for them are a way to try to control their behavior so that we can feel better. When we seek to control other people's behavior, it never turns out very well.  They feel manipulated and we feel horrible because they're not doing what we think they should and then we're angry or frustrated on top of it.  It's time to figure this one out!

Every experience we have in our lives gets turned into a story in our brain. And in our story, we generally become either the hero or the victim (and maybe sometimes the villain!) When we choose to become the victim, we feel disempowered and experience little to no growth, or may even decline a bit. And it's so easy and can feel so good to be the victim! When we choose to become the hero, we are empowered and step into a space of growth that can be amazing. Let's chat today about how to become your own hero of your story.

Connection with other people is something we were created to desire. And yet, sometimes we feel as though we are struggling to connect with those people who matter the most to us - our spouses or significant other, our children, siblings, friends, and even ourselves. What creates true connection and how can we step into more of it? Let's talk about it!

Possibility. A word filled with hope for what is to come. Dreaming of an amazing future of fulfillment and contribution. And yet, somewhere along the way, many of us have forgotten about our possibility. We've entered into middle-age having focused on other people's possibility, and lost touch with our own. Let's remedy that, shall we? We still have decades of possibility ahead of us!

Why would we want to allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable emotions? Because discomfort is the price we pay for growth and progression. When we avoid uncomfortable emotions, we are keeping ourselves stuck, and nobody I know likes being stuck!

Sometimes in our closest relationships, it can be very easy to hold a grudge rather than extend grace.  But to truly develop the connection that we desire in our relationships, it is imperative that we learn to forgive others and embrace their humanity.  Only with grace will we create the deep, intimate connections that we desire.

When was the last time your emotions came on so strong and powerful that you felt out of control?  All of us have times that our response is way bigger than is warranted by the circumstance.  Today we're chatting about why this happens, and how we can turn these times into opportunities to grow and learn and progress.

Spring always feels like the perfect time to clean out some closets and cabinets.  We get rid of things that are no longer needed in our lives in order to make space for things that will serve us better.  Emotionally, spring is a great time to do the same thing - find behaviors and patterns that may have served us well at one time, but that are no longer creating what we want to create.  Is it time for you to do some emotional spring cleaning?  

Do you ever feel like you work towards getting what you want and then get exhausted and quit? Whether it's weight loss, business or education goals, relationship goals, we can only change our behavior for so long before we just don't have what it takes to keep it up anymore. Today we're going to talk about how to really get what you want by getting out of just changing our actions and instead move into changing our thoughts, which are the cause of all of our actions and results.