Journal Theory

I’ve lived the better part of my life feeling like someone is always watching my every move. No, not in a psycho-thriller kind of way. In a someone-is-waiting-for-me-to-mess-up kind of way. Pretty lame right? I don’t know where it came from- the ego, my shyness, my aim to please and get praise? It was probably all of those things rolled into one. I call this the Microscope Theory. Its the idea that if other people have eyes on me, then I better make sure I act in accordance of what they expect of me. I better look put together because my friends might judge me. I better make it obvious that I’m picking up my dog’s poop right now so any passerby can clearly see I’m doing my part. I better be overly prepared for this meeting so my boss can see I’m an exemplary employee. Even as I write those words, I’m thinking “Man, that is a messed up mentality.” Its the truth though. I’ve battled those thoughts for as long as I remember. Part of this mentality has created a well-developed sense of integrity in me, as I alway