The Art Of Charm | High Performance Techniques| Cognitive Development | Relationship Advice | Mastery Of Human Dynamics

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Is it okay to spend a few hours each day doing things that don't better yourself? Should you directly approach a company that seems to have taken an interest in you, or should you wait for it to contact you first? Might the reserves be a good compromise for Fan Mail Friday's 85's Passion or Paycheck? How can you remain informed about the world's current events without influencing your happiness and relationships? Would you go home with someone who sleeps in a tent in their living room? When you look for things like unconscious bias in everything you don't like, you're sure to find it. Quick shoutouts to Vilde Sjøtvei from Norway -- she loves listening to the show out there and applying things to her dating and professional life -- and Adam Solano and his lady friend Sam; they're lovely people, and Jordan's really glad to have met

Marcus Luttrell and David "Rut" Rutherford of Team Never Quit (@Team_neverquit) join us to talk about how you don't have to be in the military to develop the discipline necessary to reach your goals. The Cheat Sheet: How did Marcus Luttrell summon the strength to survive the ordeal he describes in his book (and in the movie) Lone Survivor? What mental practices do Navy SEALs use to block distraction and stay focused on the task at hand? Being the elite of the elite, do Navy SEALs ever suffer from imposter syndrome? How do you keep traumatic events from completely defining you? Will we be the guys who don't screw up an interview with Marcus Luttrell? And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Don't like to shop for clothes? Let Five Four Club be your personal fashion stylist. Complete a short style quiz and receive a monthly curated package at your doorstep! Go to fivefourclub.com and use

Derek Coburn (@cadredc) returns to the show to share more of his un-networking secrets. He is a master networker and author of Networking Is Not Working: Stop Collecting Business Cards and Start Making Meaningful Connections. The Cheat Sheet: Why is indifference one of the largest obstacles in business today? Do you feel like the time you spend networking for new relationships might be better spent on enhancing existing relationships? Understand the power of unlocking dormant ties. Learn how to get the most out of networking events. Host networking events as a way to offer value to the people you already know and work with. And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Hate grocery shopping but you love to cook? Blue Apron delivers recipes and farm fresh ingredients to you. As an Art of Charm listener, you get your first two meals free here! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses c

Oliver Burkeman, author of The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking, joins us for this Minisode Monday to talk about how the relentless pursuit of goals can figuratively -- and in some cases literally -- kill us. The Cheat Sheet: Popular beliefs about goal setting strategies may do more harm than good. The overpursuit of goals can, in extreme cases, kill. Case in point: the 1996 Mount Everest Disaster as detailed by D. Christopher Kayes in his book Destructive Goal Pursuit: The Mt. Everest Disaster. Why being completely identified with a goal (like a mountain climber or arctic explorer) can make us charge ahead when all signs are really telling us to turn back or regroup. As an alternative to this approach, Oliver urges us toward a looser, more flexible conception of goals -- like a frog on a lily pad. To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital

Welcome to Fan Mail Friday #87! No jibber-jabber, just a short show where we answer Art of Charm listener mail and give out mini-lessons for the weekend! Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you balance your need to find the best career fit with being transparent to the people who believed in you from the get-go? Should you stick with your company that won't promote you unless you get an advanced degree -- even though you've been there for years and believe your experience should count for something? After years of substance abuse and hitting rock bottom, you're now on track to getting your life back. But what do you do when your negative family keeps judging you for mistakes of the past in spite of having a good relationship and excellent grades? How can you successfully manage your relationships at work without getting too involved in the gossip that prevails there? What do you do when you're an actor and your significant other freaks out at the prospect of your inevitable romantic scenes? A quick shou

The Art of Charm (@TheArtofCharm) has ways of making you talk! If you want to know how to keep a conversation going and avoid the awkward calm that sometimes besets even the most animated of chats, you'll want to dip into the toolbox for this one. [Image of awkward conversation captured by Kyle Taylor] The Cheat Sheet: The best conversationalists are the best listeners. What do you do when you run out of things to say in a conversation? Learn how to lessen the crushing pressure of being interesting by focusing on being interested. Understand how to stay tuned in to the conversation by picking up on often-ignored (but crucially important) nonverbal cues. Banish meaningless small talk and learn how to ask questions that build rapport and natural conversation. And so much more... Don't like to shop for clothes? Let Five Four Club be your personal fashion stylist. Complete a short style quiz and receive a monthly curated package at your doorstep! Go to fivefourclub.com and use promo code CHARM at sign-up to get

Dan Ariely (@danariely) is a behavioral economist and bestselling author of Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions and the upcoming Payoff: The Hidden Logic That Shapes Our Motivations. The Cheat Sheet: How does the What the Hell effect keep us making bad decisions even when we know they're bad? Are we ever truly rational, unbiased, or impartial? What's the best time to appear before a judge? Transparency in our lives can often backfire. How motivation works (and doesn't work) and how we can use our own psychology against ourselves. And so much more... Avoid trips to the post office with Stamps.com -- The Art of Charm listeners get a postal scale and $55 of postage for free here! Casper makes hybrid mattresses that combine premium latex foam with memory foam -- and won't charge you an arm and a leg for them. Get $50 toward any mattress purchase here by using promo code AOC! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with

In this Minisode Monday, recent guest Jenny Blake, author of Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One, helps us separate difficult decisions from difficult conversations and handle both of these to get unstuck and move forward. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: When you're at a pivot point, about to make a big career decision, what is your gut instinct telling you about what you really want? Most of us have a sense of what would help us get unstuck, but we're afraid to proceed when the time comes. Are we afraid of the decision itself, or the difficult conversations surrounding the decision once made? Here, Jenny gives us some level-headed advice about how to get unstuck and make sure we proceed with the decision we really want to make instead of the decision that will just help us avoid awkward conversations. To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive h

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: At this point, if you aren't aware there's an election going on this November in the United States until a celebrity or your favorite podcast (ahem) tells you about it, maybe you should just sit this one out? Robert Cialdini's Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion was exactly that for Jordan growing up -- an influence. But was it also an inoculation? (Incidentally, you should check out our episode with Robert Cialdini here!) If you're always the one reaching out to friends and family, is it wrong to feel ticked off when they don't check up on you now that you've moved away? Related listening from the AoC toolbox: Moving to a New Town (Episode 400) A listener asks last week's Passion or Paycheck question: "Can't you do both?" When the dynamic in a casual relationship changes, it's easy to wonder what caused it. It's harder to ide

Jon Levy (@JonLevyTLB) is a behavior scientist who studies influence and adventure. He returns to the show to talk about his latest book, The 2 AM Principle: Discover The Science of Adventure. The Cheat Sheet: What is adventure and why should we seek it out? Learn the four stages of any adventure. What it takes to filter the right people into your circle. How to politely cut ties with the wrong people. Breaking self-imposed limitations in our lives. And so much more... Don't like to shop for clothes? Let Five Four Club be your personal fashion stylist. Complete a short style quiz and receive a monthly curated package at your doorstep! Go to fivefourclub.com and use promo code CHARM at sign-up to get 50% off your first package! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Does your business have an Int

Kevin Kelly (@kevin2kelly) is the founding editor of Wired magazine and, most recently, author of The Inevitable: Understanding the 12 Technological Forces That Will Shape Our Future. The Cheat Sheet: Technology is an extension of the natural process of evolution. What's driving technology; what will the future look like? Why Artificial Intelligence (AI) is the biggest thing since electricity. Ways humanity will interact with future technology and AI -- and how it will change our lives in ways we can scarcely imagine. How technology will actually make us better humans. And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Avoid trips to the post office with Stamps.com -- The Art of Charm listeners get a postal scale and $55 of postage for free here! Working with other people? Struggling to keep everyone on the same page? We use Basecamp 3 at The Art of Charm, and it's the only platform you're going

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. In this Minisode Monday, Clay Hebert joins us to talk about what makes a perfect day, month, or year and working backwards to make this happen. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: Whatever motivates you toward action -- no matter how lame someone else might think your methods -- is fair game. Think of what a perfect day looks like to you. For Seth Godin, it's being home by a certain time every night to cook dinner for his family -- and he builds the rest of his day toward that goal. Design a day with structures that support what makes it perfect for you. Eliminate, automate, and outsource the hitches that disrupt perfection wherever possible. To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let u

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Sometimes a workplace bully is best defeated by the kind of precision and persistence usually reserved for military endeavors. After all, this is war. Speaking of the military, should you put in another eight years to get half-salary pension for the rest of your life, or get out now and use your GI Bill benefits for film school? How can you tone down your hyper-competitive nature and just have fun playing games instead of trying to dominate everyone who dares to oppose you? How can a leader control their stress levels to keep a positive and strong face for the people who look to them for guidance? Quick shoutouts to Clint, Brandon Clift, and -- last but not least -- Ronsley Vaz in Australia at the We Are Podcast event in Gold Coast. Jordan had a blast with you guys and can't wait to do it again next year (if he's invited back, of

Nancy Duarte (@nancyduarte) and her agency have been transforming Silicon Valley companies into movements for 25 years. She is the author of several books -- most recently Illuminate: Ignite Change Through Speeches, Stories, Ceremonies, and Symbols. The Cheat Sheet: How to persuade by speaking in a way that tells a story of contrasts. What great communicators have in common and how to borrow from their playbook. How to frame yourself as a leader -- aka a torchbearer -- in your business (even if you don't consider yourself the figurehead type). How to learn and master the highest leverage communication skills for the quickest and most dynamic return on your time and effort. The five stages of a venture scape: dream, leap, fight, climb, and arrive. And so much more... Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! Want three free rides up to $10 each? Download the free Lyft app today and enter promo code AOCPODCAST in the paymen

Joshua Fields Millburn (@JFM) of The Minimalists tells us how we can make do with less of what we don't need to have room for more of what we value most. The Cheat Sheet: What is minimalism, and how does putting it to practice give you more from less? How can letting go of things enhance creativity and improve your health? What's the 20/20 rule? Can you and a friend endure the challenges of the 30-Day Minimalism Game? Do you have what it takes to be a packing party animal? And so much more... Avoid trips to the post office with Stamps.com -- The Art of Charm listeners get a postal scale and $55 of postage for free here! Don't like to shop for clothes? Let Five Four Club be your personal fashion stylist. Complete a short style quiz and receive a monthly curated package at your doorstep! Go to fivefourclub.com and use promo code CHARM at sign-up to get 50% off your first package! Hate grocery shopping but you love to cook? Blue Apron delivers recipes and farm fresh ingredients to you. As an Art of Charm liste

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. In this Minisode Monday, Ryan Holiday -- author of Ego Is the Enemy -- joins us to discuss how we can become qualified experts in our field by sharing some of his favorite tricks of the trade. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: How do you become qualified to dominate a niche and establish expertise in a given area? Ryan tells us how he used the uncompetitive space of universities to promote his first book and gain a foothold as an expert in his field. Tracking verified Twitter mentions of his book allowed Ryan to expand his reach by offering free copies for people to share with their friends and colleagues. Always treat people as if they can get you on the front page of The New York Times -- because they might actually be able to someday. To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Kimberly Seltzer (as featured in our Toolbox for Women episodes) joins us for this one, so lets cut to it! In this episode: How can a hopeless romantic stay willfully single without feeling empty? What do you do when your significant other gives you the silent treatment instead of telling you when you've done something to upset them? How can an intimidating person become more approachable? How do you exude confidence rather than desperation when you're looking for romance? What can you do to get your groove back when you find out your ex was hiding a secret family? A quick shoutout to Anavel from EMSI who hooked Jordan up with an opportunity to give the keynote for its annual conference this year. He says: "You are all a great crowd and I hope AoC has some new fans!" Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@the

Oliver Burkeman (@oliverburkeman) is the author of The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking; he joins us to explain why it's healthier to accentuate -- rather than ignore -- the negative. The Cheat Sheet: How does a pessimistic skeptic of positive thinking culture find himself pumped up with 12,000 other people at a motivational seminar in Texas? How can the avoidance of negative thinking make us unhappy? Are the tenets of the Ironic Process Theory slowly driving you insane? Negative Visualization: a healthier way to worry with purpose. Affirmations often go beyond just being silly -- they can actually be harmful. And so much more... Don't like to shop for clothes? Let Five Four Club be your personal fashion stylist. Complete a short style quiz and receive a monthly curated package at your doorstep! Go to fivefourclub.com and use promo code CHARM at sign-up to get 50% off your first package! Working with other people? Struggling to keep everyone on the same page? We use Basecamp

Clay Hebert (@clayhebert) is a storyteller, marketing provocateur, and founder of Crowdfunding Hacks. He joins us to explain a framework he developed called The Perfect Intro: How to Confidently Introduce Yourself, Your Business, or Anyone Else in Six Words or Less. The Cheat Sheet: How do you introduce yourself in six words or less? Learn how to tailor the introduction of yourself and your business to suit the crowd and room where you are. How do you introduce others to one another in an effective way that makes everyone look good? Here's a technique to ensure that people welcome your introduction on both sides. Find out how Clay inspired our very own Minisode Monday episodes here at AoC. And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a s

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. In this Minisode Monday, recent guest Jenny Blake, author of Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One, joins us to try and answer the age-old question: When dissatisfied with anything in life -- whether it's a career or a relationship -- is the grass really greener on the other side? The Cheat Sheet: Look at where you are now: maybe you're already in the right patch, but you just don't know how to make the grass grow there yet. Or maybe you really do need to move. We all have dreams -- some are worth pursuit, and some aren't. Jenny says you need to ask yourself: "What would I regret more? Staying in place, or making a decision [to pivot]?" Identify your must-haves, your nice-to-haves, and your dealbreakers. What are your knowns and your unknowns? What's the worst possible outcome (of going or staying)? What does success look like