Tranquil Tirades

Recently our hosting provider suspended Earth-2.net and threatened to remove the site. To bring the site back online, major (but temporary) changes had to be made to the way we archive podcasts. In this first update, Mike explains the situation and outlines some options he's considering to bring Earth-2.net back to normal.

This month, your heroes tackle one of the most universally reviled films in history: The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. Listen as they cover a film with no likable characters, no plot, no shame, and no mercy, all under the miasma of the most 1980s outfits ever seen. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

This month, the guys finally get around to covering one of the most requested movies ever: The Spirit. It's a story of sexual frustration and bad lighting. As expected, they end up with egg on their face. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Only in their dreams did The Real Protagonists think they'd get around to covering an Asylum movie, but with Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus we just can't shake the feeling that this is going to be another disappointment. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Now this is the story all about how / The guys covered a movie they regret picking out / We sure hope this episode fills you with mirth / Because this is the one where we do After Earth. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Continuing the grand tradition of holiday classics, James and Damien tackle Elves, a story of Nazi incest and tenuous pluralization. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

It's that time once again. Hannah Krueger joins the guys for their annual Twilight suffer-fest, this time in the form of Eclipse. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Warriors of the Wasteland was a mistake. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

The Real Protagonists celebrate five years of the Tranquil Tirades the only way they know how: with disappointment. This month's disappointment comes in the form of Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, a sequel 20 years in the making that had about 20 seconds of thought put into it. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Hey, kids, did you know you can get a record deal overnight and become the most famous person in the world just by uploading a single two-minute video of singing and strumming an acoustic guitar to YouTube? (That sound you hear in the background is Damien's white-hot rage becoming sentient.) This month, The Real Protagonists tackle Jem and the Holograms - a movie that no one saw, and is so out of touch with reality, it actually shows a YouTube video being fully uploaded in under 60 seconds. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

The Summer of Collaboration(TM) rolls on as Ian Wilson joins The Real Protagonists to cover Faust: Love of the Damned, a movie that makes not one iota of sense but is very, very metal. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

The Summer of Collaboration(TM) begins as Will Ackerman joins The Real Protagonists to cover The Apocalypse, a Sandra Bernhard vehicle that you've never heard of, probably because it was a Sandra Bernhard vehicle. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

An episode years in the making, Damien finally sits James down to take in a viewing of one of history's finest cinematic achievements: Riki-Oh: The Story of Riki. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

We finally covered Elektra. We regret covering Elektra. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

More action! More excitement! More padding on a spectacularly shameless level! We'll leave it to you to decide which of those three things applies to our coverage of the next David DeCoteau film on our slate: An Easter Bunny Puppy. (Now with 37% more establishing shots!) Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

It's been a few years, but The Real Protagonists have finally returned to the wonderful world of Nicolas Cage films with 1993's Deadfall. It's every bit as enjoyable as watching Cage snort a metric ton of cocaine could possibly be. Well, until they kill him off, anyway. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

The Real Protagonists kick off the new year with Jupiter Ascending, a large mass of hot air that's really just stuff from other stuff under the guise of an "original story." Come for the snark, stay for the terrible impressions. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

To cap off another year of astonishing cinema, James and Damien tackle Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. Try not to go cross-eyed as you listen to two guys talk about a movie that's about two guys watching another guy tell a bunch of kids about a lady that's telling another lady a story about a tiny lady. Seriously. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

To commemorate 50 episodes of the Tranquil Tirades, James and Damien go all out, perhaps too far, as they spend over four hours talking about Silent Hill: Revelation 3D, a movie comprised entirely of broken fandom and plot holes. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Big Damn Heroes cohost, Hannah Krueger, again joins The Real Protagonists as they suffer through the second bewilderingly popular Twilight movie: New Moon. Listen as the three hosts chronicle how the most unlikable protagonist in film history becomes a blubbering mess over losing her abusive vampire boyfriend, and then anoints her best friend as the Mayor of the Friend Zone. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.