Dr. Ross Greene

If you're only paying attention to a child's challenging behavior, then modifying or medicating the behavior will make the most sense.  But behavior is what's happening downstream.  If you paddle upstream -- toward the problems that are causing the behavior -- other intervention strategies start to make a lot more sense.

As usual, lots of questions answered and topics covered from the mailbag during today's program, including the one in the title.

When you're in the Empathy step, are you seeking information about a child's concerns or unmet needs?  It's the former...when you're focused on the latter, you're more likely to hear about the child's solutions (rather than his or her concerns), and brainstorming solutions shouldn't occur until the Invitation.  

We turned to the mailbag on today's program, and responded to inquiries from five parents.  But there was a fairly consistent theme:  it all begins with the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems.  

One of the questions parents frequently have relates to how much to tell kids about Plan B. That question -- and a whole bunch of others -- were discussed on today's program.

Maybe the title of today's program tells you all you need to know...but maybe not! While it's tempting to use Plan A to keep things organized and keep life moving when there's three boys under the age of eight in one household, Plan B can probably help more than you might think.

A variety of topics were covered on the last program of 2014, including a rather in-depth discussion of the "embarrassment factor" (kids who can hold it together outside of the home but are very challenging inside the home).  Just because a kid is holding it together outside of the home doesn't mean there aren't problems to be solved.

Lots of ground covered on today's program -- a mom whose son becomes upset when he gets hurt phsyically, an emailer who noticed that the CPS model has moved from "baskets" to "Plans," from emergent to proactive, and from "compromising" to problem-solving -- but the most moving email came from a mom whose son is still being placed in restraint and seclusion at school.

It's not uncommon to start Plan B with one unsolved problem and then learn about other unsolved problems that will require separate solutions.  Thanks to a caller, that's one of the things we talked about on today's program.

What do you do if your child is having difficulty providing information in the Empathy step of Plan B? We're glad you (and two of our callers) asked!

On today's program, Ross and Susy spoke with a mom who's thinking of pulling her son out of school due to poor performance...but will that solution really solve the problem? Or does the mom need more information about what's getting in the way for her son at school before they can start contemplating solutions. Plus a lot more...

Explaining Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) to a kid can be a challenge, but this radio program should help you out. And if you've been very focused on imploring your child to take responsibility for his actions, you'll probably want to listen to the rest of the program as well.

If you're wondering about what to do if your child is having difficulty providing you with information about his/her concern, perspective, or point of view in the Empathy step of Plan B, this program should help out...thanks to one of our callers.

Susy and Dr. Greene covered a lot of ground on today's program, including helping a mom whose daughter has been diagnosed with generalized and social anxiety get more focused on her daughter's specific lagging skills and unsolved problems.

On today's program, we helped Debbie's mom with the wording of unsolved problems on the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems.  Now we're ready to start solving those problems collaboratively and proactively!

On today's program, we helped a mom begin identyfing the lagging skills and unsolved problems contributing to the challenging episodes of her daughter (who we're calling Debbie), using the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ALSUP) as our guide. Once the problems are identified, the task of solving them begins...along with the adventure of getting to know Debbie. 

Our callers made this a very poignant program. The first was a dad who's been using the CPS model for some time now. He had some very encouraging news about his son. The second was a mom who's just at the beginning of her CPS journey. And the third was a mom who's in the middle of her journey and needing to make some slight adjustments. Beware: due to circumstances beyond our comprehension, the program cuts off unexpectedly near the end.

Well, Parenting Your Challenging Child is back on the air for another nine months, and Dr. Greene and his new co-host, Susy, kicked things off by responding to emails from several parents and a parent who called in...all seeking guidance on how to apply the CPS model to their challenging kids. Key theme of the day: though challenging behavior is very concerning and stressful, it's really just a very unpleasant way for a child to communicate that he or she is lacking the skills to handle certain demands and expectations.

Some great information on today's program -- the last until September -- including information on collaborating with kids on social difficulties. But one parent told us, by email, about something she and her husband do with her son when it doesn't seem like there's a problem to be solved but their son does need to be heard: they call it the Empathy Corner.

Should you solve problems collaboratively with your not-so-challenging kids?  Today's first caller has no doubts about the answer to that question.