Life Over Coffee With Rick Thomas

The most significant trap that tripped up Mable was that her desire for marriage and companionship had morphed into something God never intended. She had gotten caught up in the self-centered craving for perceived needs, as popularized by our culture. She saw the good God offered her through the lens of contemporary Christian literature rather than through the lens of Scripture. “Love Languages,” “Love and Respect,” “His Needs, Her Needs”: these are some of the books and buzzwords that are bandied about Christendom to find wholeness, resolve relational conflict, and live your best life now. While I understand why such materials exist, in marriage counseling specifically, these concepts are generally more of a hindrance than a help. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/chapter-three-the-snare-of-perceived-needs/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here http

Have you ever wondered how it is possible to believe the right things yet do the wrong things? It happens regularly—at least to me. I am in situations where I have the opportunity to do the right thing. Sometimes, I make the wrong choice in those moments—even when I know what the right decision should be. A wrong response creates a gap between what I know to do and what I actually do. My orthodoxy says one thing; my orthopraxy reveals another. If you are like me, there is a gap between what you know and what you do too. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-reason-what-you-believe-and-what-you-do-are-different/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Shows Main Idea – Rick and Lucia Thomas answer a stack of questions from our Life Over Coffee community. They address marriage conflict, communication, anger, dating, introversion, parenting, functional atheism, confronting others, and much more. You’ll love their interaction and the practical application of the gospel in their lives as they share with you things they have learned as a couple imperfectly following God. Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-481-rick-and-lucia-answering-your-questions/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

After a couple of sessions of getting to know Mable, I began to ask her specific questions regarding her fundamental understanding of theology and how that theology worked out practically in her life. I knew that if I could uncover what she believed about God and how she applied her understanding of God to her life, I would start to understand how she had gotten to this place in her life and marriage. The answer to every issue that she would ever encounter, including her current marriage problems, would, in the final analysis, flow out of her theology: specifically, how she thought about God and how she practically applied those thoughts to her life. My initial point-of-focus was Romans 8:28. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/chapter-two-mables-lonely-journey-begins/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

I met Mable at a conference, where she approached me with a soft-bound copy of my Help! My Marriage Has Grown Cold booklet in her hand. She said that God had transformed her life and marriage through this little booklet. She asked me to sign it, which I gratefully obliged. The storyline is about a lady who decided to work on her marriage despite her husband's unwillingness. I hope many more couples find the same hope and help as Mable did as they read and apply what I have written. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/chapter-one-the-desperate-housewife/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Shows Main Idea – Marriage is a long-term, forever relationship with no escape clause. I realize there are biblical reasons for divorce, but it’s not how things should be. Typically, when there is a divorce, it’s because the couple has done something to kill their marriage. A gentleman wrote me a few years ago in tears. He saw my graphic about ten ways to kill your marriage and said he did all ten. Here are those ten things, and I wrap up with ten ways to bless your marriage. Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-480-ten-ways-to-kill-your-marriage/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

A happy home does not just happen. Like all good things, you must have a plan and be willing to execute hard work (Luke 14:27). The good news is that Christians have the schematic for happiness, which begins with confession and forgiveness. The crucial concern centers on whether we’ll do the hard work of confessing our transgressions and forgiving each other. The couple that understands this path to reconciliation and practices it will not stop until they become the beneficiaries of a happy home. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-non-negotiable-first-step-to-build-a-happy-home/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Shows Main Idea – Into the Light is a teaching documentary on freedom from pornography that walks through the change process from bondage in sin to freedom in Christ. Jacob Valk and John-Michael Bout are the creators. Rick Thomas sat down with Jacob to talk about why he and John-Michael created this teaching documentary, Jacob’s life in Canada, his migration to Southern Seminary, and future aspirations as they serve the body of Christ with more world-class instructional videos that address sexual confusion and the Bible’s solutions for this global problem that dominates so much of our lives. Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-479-jacob-valk-into-the-light-documentary/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

We will never forget the tragedy of 9/11. Most of us old enough to remember such things know exactly where we were on that tragic day. I was sitting in my counseling office at our local church, staring blankly at a TV screen as the news unfolded. The best word to describe my mental state was surreal, and it continues to boggle my mind to think how anyone could be so twisted that they would fly a plane into a building and kill 3,000 innocent lives. But then I think of myself in my evil moments of misplaced faith. It’s scary. Though none of us will do what those terrorists did, we can go down a regrettable path of misplaced faith and hard heart, believing what we’re doing is the right thing, begging the question: How can a heart become so hardened that we think what we’re doing is okay, even though it’s evident to everyone else we’re wrong? Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/911-a-study-in-misplaced-faith-and-a-hardened-conscience/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can b

Biff asked, “As a believer, does God’s Word require me to forgive a relative of mine time after time—essentially let her off the hook—for her unkind behavior and attitude toward me and the many cruel and untrue things she has done behind my back to other family members? She never asks for forgiveness and only tells me I need to understand her feelings. Am I wrong to stay my distance and set some boundaries?” What would you say to Biff? Have you ever had a situation like this? How did you handle it? Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/am-i-to-forgive-someone-who-is-not-asking-3/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Shows Main Idea – Whenever there is a sin event between two people, there will always be a need to ask for and grant forgiveness. If they do not transact forgiveness, their relationship will not be all God intends. This episode is the second of a two-part series where Rick Thomas drills deep into the elements of forgiveness. Please listen to or watch Episodes 477 and 478 to understand forgiveness fully. Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-478-what-to-do-after-two-people-forgive-each-other/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Forgiveness is only one aspect of the change process. It does not imply a complete change when discussing repentance because there are several links in the repentance chain. However, forgiveness is a vital mile marker that leads to complete repentance, making this link non-negotiable if we do not do it well. We cannot experience reconciliation and restoration—the subsequent steps in the order of repentance, if we don’t biblically forgive. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/i-will-forgive-you-if-you-promise-to-change/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Shows Main Idea – Forgiveness is a multifaceted God-centered opportunity for two people to reconcile after there is a transgression. It's not always straightforward because of the complexity of sin and some relationship complications. Each person must work hard to understand biblical forgiveness and do all they can to reconcile when sin divides two people. In this talk, I will walk through many aspects of forgiveness, making practical applications in various situations. Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-477-breaking-down-forgiveness-practically-speaking/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Forgiving yourself is an odd teaching that has crept into Christians’ understanding of sanctification. It’s part of the culture’s futile way of thinking, hoping to get rid of their sins. They must try because they sense the same shame we do, but because they reject God and His Word, they create policies and pathways to alleviate their soul noise, always leading down dead-end streets and box canyons. Without God, they blindly grope for the walls, making self-forgiveness a culturally common sense way of feeling psychologically better. “You just need to forgive yourself” is a typical way people apply this secular doctrine within their communities. Read More: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-danger-of-forgiving-yourself/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

We watched The Blind Side a few weeks after it came out. We had heard rave reviews about the movie. Nearly every review, from the network of movie reviewers, connected to Hollywood to many of my friends, gave it the proverbial two thumbs-up. The conservative movie constituency applauded this film. Sandra Bullock won an Academy Award for her part as the lead. It was a no-brainer to watch, and, as usual, I cried at four different points during the movie. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-sad-side-to-the-blind-side/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Shows Main Idea – Do you have a friend who does not mind telling you what’s wrong with you but never admits any of their mistakes, inadequacies, or sins? Working through and sustaining these kinds of non-reciprocating, inequitable relationships is challenging. May I walk you through ten ways to respond to a friend more willing to admit your faults than their own? Knowing how to lead relationships like these is vital. Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-66-ten-responses-friend-wont-admit-wrong/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Have you ever granted forgiveness to someone who hurt you? Did you mean it? Did you really mean it? Or did you say, “I forgive you,” because it is the Christian thing to do? I’m not asking this question with a cynical eye. I’m asking because I know from personal experience there are times we can mouth the words “I forgive you,” but the heart can be far from genuine. We can succumb to Christian speak to smooth over the situation, but our internal logic says we have more heart work to do to be right with God and the person we supposedly forgave. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/pre-forgiveness-is-a-prerequisite-before-you-can-genuinely-forgive-someone/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Biff destroyed his marriage. Shortly after that, he experienced conviction from God for what he did. His repentance was genuine, as affirmed by his pastor, several other church leaders, and two of his workmates. In response to the Lord’s maneuvering in his heart and with the blessing and oversight of his pastor, Biff made an authentic confession to God and his wife, Mable. In a strange turn of events, the man who destroyed his family wants to be part of God’s restoration team to put it back together again. Analogous to Christ and us, the offenders cooperate with the offended for God’s glory, our benefit, and the good of others. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-man-who-destroyed-our-home-wants-forgiveness/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

Shows Main Idea – In this seventh lesson, Rick helps us understand the benefit of increasing our opportunities for godly relationships by choosing friends, spouses, and disciplers wisely. This seven-part series builds one upon the other, so watching them in order is best. We also recommend you watch the video to read the content, see all the animations, and download all the supplemental graphics. Afterward, you can listen to the audio while driving, walking, and going about your day. The audio will bring back the visuals, cementing this content into your mind, a process that will transform your mind and relationships. Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-475-friendship-series-choosing-relationships-wisely-7/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.

In our culture today, the phrase “I’m sorry” has become our first response when we sin against each other. The term has nearly wholly replaced biblical forgiveness. It is a passive statement that does not require the offender and offended to engage in meaningful, biblical transactional forgiveness. Perhaps “I’m sorry” is a good start in relational reconciliation, but the phrase will never complete the needed task when sin is in play and grace is available. Transactional forgiveness is the antidote that neutralizes and obliterates the sin, setting the stage for those in the transgressive dust-up to reconcile with each other. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/dont-apologize-dont-say-im-sorry/ Will you help us to continue providing free content for everyone? You can become a supporting member here https://lifeovercoffee.com/join/, or you can make a one-time or recurring donation here https://lifeovercoffee.com/donate/.