Simple Saturdays

One thing I hear moms tell me they want is to be MORE PRESENT. We know that in our daily life we have a lot of distractions pulling our attention away. And this is a problem when we are being pulled away from the tasks and people that are meaningful to us.  Being a present parent allows us to engage, pour into and ENJOY our kids - and this has been a struggle of mine over the years - and a struggle I coach other moms through  I polled my Facebook community on what keeps them from slowing down and being present - and the feedback was a resounding 'the mental to-do list!'.  That streaming list in the back of our minds of 'what we SHOULD be doing RIGHT NOW!'. I call this the mental chatter.  I also call this a thought trap - an autopilot thought keeping us stuck in a pattern that isn't serving us and making our lives better.  Why do we want to be more present in our parenting and life? To nurture/improve our relationships To become more aware of what is available for us to enjoy in the here and now To b

'How are things going?' 'Oh, they are busy'. How often are you talking about how BUSY you are?  How often do you find yourself thinking you wish you had more time for other things. How often do you end your day feeling drained and worn and maybe resentful.  Busyness might be a cycle you are spinning in. And it is a common cycle for moms to be on - because we have a culture that tells how busy is a badge of honour while simultaneously throwing memes of frazzled moms in our face.  In this episode we unpack BEING TOO BUSY, all of this is a primer to the next episode on being more present.  Main points on why you are too busy Our culture glorifies busy, and there are some signs that we have bought into it. One of them being that feel like we never have enough time Busy is that feeling when we get when we feel our life demands are more than the energy we have Being busy isn't so much a problem with how we manage our time, but also a problem with how we manage what is purposeful. We aren't using our time a

Empathy with other adults can feel differently than it does between us and kids. This is often because our emotions are used as currency, as power. And also because we are raised to stigmatize negative and uncomfortable emotions.  So why should we make an effort to master empathy? How can it really improve our connections in our marriage and friendships?   The full transcript is at the end of this post. In this podcast episode I'm sharing: Why empathy is hard in a marriage When both partners are in a stressed state because they are dealing with frustrations and negative emotions Assuming the worst case scenario vs getting curious from a place of love Empathy's role at bringing us back to the same team rather  Giving and receiving empathy The difference between empathy and sympathy Empathy fatigue and holding space for others  The scale of an empathetic reaction: too much, not enough  When you constantly want to change someone else, how can empathy help?   Join the Simple Squad in the

I have been coaching women who shy away from empathy in their motherhood and relationships.  Sometimes this is because they can't see it as a part of a solution, maybe it doesn't come naturally to them. Most often we don't bring empathy into parenting because we don't want to enable our kids or express any permissiveness of their poor behaviour.  I want to unpack what empathy is, the two types of it, and how to bring it into your parenting without using it as a way to enable poor behaviour. Empathy can increase our connection and relationship - which helps us work on conflict resolution together.  Find the full transcript at the end of this post (Books or products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you.)   This is part one. In this episode we cover: The two types of empathy How empathy helps make our lives better The phenomenon of having empathy for 'the bad guy'  Empathy is not enabling

Hey friends! Let's have a momfriend coffee date - grab a warm drink and sit with me, Your Nerdy Girlfriend and Life Coach.  Well this, is a coffee date for all friends really - mom or not. Because I want to have some lady chat about things I am trying, loving, watching and enjoying.  Plus I have some special encouragement for you on feeling like you are behind, or you are not where you should be.      The full episode transcript is at the end of this post.  THE CURRENTLY LIST! This list has a lot of fun links! Some of these links will be affiliate links through Amazon. As an amazon associate, I make a small commission from your purchase at NO cost to you.  My current planner for this year I was using the Pipsticks + Workman planner and really liked it (it is cute, fun, and has lots of habit tracking spots). Especially the monthly recap page in each monthly section. This year I am trying out the Happy Planner. It always takes some time to get used to a new planner.  Watching Back In Time For Dinner is a

This Christmas won't be like the ones you have curated and cherished. This is a holiday during a pandemic and we are having a universal experience of learning what that can look like.  As moms, we do most of the Christmas planning. We have gifts lists, treats, parties planned, gatherings set up. This job is often an exhausting one but one that we go through every year because we are always longing for those special moments of joy, hope and connectedness that are possible.  Christmas during covid means the plans we make, the gatherings, the parties are all going to look different.  That is hard to accept. We long for what we know and what feels like Christmas to us.  This year means teaching ourselves new ways to feel Christmas.  If you are like most moms, and myself, it is a hard task to think outside the box, beyond our expectations and get excited about something different when we have this idea in our mind of what Christmas SHOULD be.  The first step here is to acknowledge your expectations. Because h

I see a theme in the women I life coach. When I ask them what they want in their life, their homes, their motherhood, their relationships, peace (calm, serenity, harmony) is a common answer.  Peace is something we crave, but we often trade it in for relief.  The problem is that peace and relief can look similar. Because the pain lessens for a bit.  But relief is not peace. Relief is a temporary reduction/removal of the pain. Peace is finding calm amongst the pain and stressors.    *this is an affiliate link, which means when you purchase this item I get a nominal commission at no cost to you  FULL TRANSCRIPT AVAILABLE AT THE END OF THIS POST   This week my 6-year-old son was having an 'off day' - a few of them. Eventually, I kept him home from school with me. I could see he was having a soul fever (a concept from Simplicity Parenting*) and that day allowed him to rest and recenter.  As an adult, I can relate to how he was feeling. So often I have this strange stressor that is highjacking how I show up

When we decide we want to turn off the autopilot and take control of our lives, we might be really excited. It is fun to think about the goals and dreams we have, where we want to go with our lives. But the hard work of showing up for it every day isn't something people really talk about.  Intentional living is a journey I started about six years ago and I thought it would be so much easier, and come naturally, and everything would 'click'. When it wasn't quite like that I realized that there is a really messy part of intentional living that we might gloss over.  So, I want to share some of the things I experienced and learned and encourage you with them. So that as you go on this journey in your own life, you can feel motivated to see it through when it feels hard. Because hard doesn't always mean you are doing it wrong, it often simply means you are doing it.  Full transcript is at the bottom of this post.  Some things to remember WHEN INTENTIONAL LIVING IS HARD It doesn't come naturally. We started

Feeling rushed, overwhelmed, unproductive can all be signs you are living your life on autopilot. That is, living life by default, without intention.  The outcome is an inner sense of lack, but we might not notice it. BECAUSE Our life might look 'nice' enough on the surface, and we have done all the things that people told us would make us successful and happy - but we really don't feel it. So we think something is wrong with us, and with our lives.  Autopilot living leaves you feeling ineffective and like you aren't stepping into your purpose and passions for your life.  I have six ways that auto-pilot living can be showing up in your life and give you some direction on what you can do about it.  I write this all to you as someone who lived on autopilot for about 30 years before waking up to it and deciding to take control of my life. I had let complacency seep through my whole life. My health, my motherhood, my marriage, my home, my relationships. They were all operating without any intention or direc

Do small things has changed my whole life.  Today I'm sharing how motherhood really brought me face to face with my own neediness and limiting beliefs that everything and everyone else was causing me problems.  Becoming self-aware of how I had brought myself to this point in my own life made me realize I can't be my own solution.  I needed God. I met God in my neediness and he showed me some hard truths on what needed changing.  Because I didn't want to stay where I was, on autopilot. There was a lot of victimhood and resent and anxiety and poor health where I was - if I stayed there and kept the status quo I could see that my life in 2 . . . 5 . . . 10 years was not the life I wanted.  But this isn't all a big bummer. I have something that can help you, something I learned on the way in TAKING ACTION to shift my life.  This is the COMPOUND EFFECT A concept from Darren Hardy that tells us the little things we do, consistently, have a cumulative impact on our lives. Both the good habits the bad habits

We all hear about the Sabbath and as moms, we are like, "Sure! When will we find this magical day of rest from our lives??"  Because rest sounds good, but there are still kids here asking me for snacks and to play with them! This past weekend I had one of the most restful days I've ever had. It inspired me to share this episode (as I hit record planning to talk about something totally different) and tell you the ways that rest has refreshed me and why I encourage you to do it too! To me, this day of rest came about from the overwhelming need to address some emotions that were piling up for me (I needed to feel my feelings!). I needed a day to listen to my body and listen to God.  So I put everything on the back burner and had a day of BEING STILL, rather than DOING ALL THE THINGS! THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY RHYTHMS In our home we fall into natural FAMILY RHYTHMS, it is how things get done. And one of our rhythms for a few years has been Church and Chill on Sundays.  This gives us the framework to make sp

I used to be a big skeptic of limiting mindsets. I mean, how would I have a thought I'm not even aware of? And how would this thought somehow keep me stuck? Since I have learned more about the science behind it and how our thought life is really running the show I can see this everywhere. I can see how our mindsets limit our motherhood experience, our relationships, our drive, really - everything.  FULL TRANSCRIPT IS AVAILABLE AT THE END OF THIS POST Here are the main things I have learned that have really opened my eyes to the reality and practical application of limiting mindsets. We have conscious thoughts and subconscious thoughts. This is the iceberg with our conscious thoughts on the surface.  The majority of our daily reactions, habits, routines are coming from our subconscious thoughts - they don't require our attention and energy. Creating a whole network of subconscious thoughts is one of the three jobs of our brain - it keeps it efficient. If you stop and think, you can see a lot of areas of yo

Have you heard of hygge? It is the Danish word that embodies the sentiments of being cozy, connected and content. If you look it up on Pinterest you will see a lot of cozy spaces full of things like flickering candles, a lovely throw, some fuzzy socks.  These all make a space feel cozier, but it takes more than that to experience hygge.  I want to share three mindsets that will help you shift right into hygge and have that cozy, connected and content experience in your daily life.  You may have heard me talk about hygge before in this episode where I compared it with minimalism and how the two were different and similar. If I lean one way, it is probably towards hygge. But perhaps that is because I have done all the decluttering already and my home feels simpler.  But this Enneagram Type 9 especially loves hygge because of its focus on equality, balance, simplicity and contentment.  If you want to add more hygge into your life this fall and winter then get yourself the FREE calendar on 30 days of hygg

When you are at home with a baby, or a toddler and a baby your whole world can feel boring and relentless. There are countless demands on your time, energy and body and it can be so overwhelming to show up every day in motherhood when you just want a hot minute alone! You aren't alone. I have been there (hello three kids under four!). And I get how exhausting and draining motherhood can be.  Like how are people even making dinner!?! And what is life like without Paw Patrol?? As my kids have gotten older I have been seeing things from a new point of view. I can see my new mom self with more objectivity. I can see that there were some mindset shifts that really helped me between 1-3 kids and mindsets that have really helped me over the years of parenting.  Your mindset can have a big impact on your motherhood experience and this isn't something to brush off.  I say that as someone who did brush 'mindsets' off as woo woo and weak. But now that I am aware that my thoughts dictate my emotions, and I ACT from h

As the kids get older I find myself watching moms with babies and toddlers and remember what a hot mess it felt like. I can look back on those early years with all of their demands on my time, my body, my energy and notice how I really fought it and how I probably made it harder than it needed to be.  Hindsight is easier from the plateau than it is in the thick of the valley.  I can see a lot of mindset shifts that would have helped me to show up better.  I want to share them with you if you are a mama with small ones around and feel like you need a refresher for your heart and soul.    Because our mindsets matter. The story we tell ourselves about our life, about motherhood, about our kids, that all matters. It matters because we SHOW UP from this story.  If this story makes us feel helpless, that is how we show up. If this story makes us feel frustrated, that is how we show up.  I want to help you become aware of the stories you might be telling yourself here and offer you some new ways to look at

One question I get so often is "how to get my husband to get rid of all his crap?" I don't have a magical formula to convince him to give up the ill-fitting company leather jacket from twenty years ago, or the questionable 'comedy' VHS from the 1990s - but I do have seven tips to help you navigate the conversations and process of decluttering with someone else in your home.  When most of us decide to become a minimalist we have laser eyes for everything that has got to go - and a lot of it is OTHER PEOPLE'S STUFF. Whether it is teens, grown kids, or your spouse these people like their things and do have some say over what happens to it.  We often find that the issue moves away from the STUFF in your home and becomes a RELATIONSHIP issue. So, these are tips on decluttering when your spouse isn't on board, but really, it's marriage advice too. Because the goal is to declutter our home while preserving the relationships of those in our home. We don't want to become minimalist at the cost of peace in our rel

The other day I let my kids do whatever they wanted for a whole day. I called it Abundance Day. It was a day of me saying yes instead of no.  . .  because I am a mom who is saying NO a lot.  I was solo parenting for a week and spent the first day being a parent who says yes, a step towards more abundant parenting.  Parenting from a place of abundance rather than withholding. Not that there is anything wrong with limits and withholding in the sake of teaching them skills and growing them into people who can manage frustrations and life - but sometimes I just want to shower them with YES and abundance with them earning it -  because God does not make us earn His abundance.  God gives us blessings and abundance in a variety of ways and I want them to experience the reality of that in a tangible way so they can also see it is true in how God provides for us.      Abundance Day was very eye-opening in terms of how my kids chose to spend their time, the decisions they made and the lessons they told me they learn

Whenever we know where we WANT to go, but getting there, doing the work can meet a lot of hurdles.  One big hurdle is this desire we have to ‘get good’ at the thing.  What do you want to get good at? Meal planning, parenting, waking up early, a hobby, building a business . . .  What will it take for you to get good at it?  It isn’t just about mastering the skill/the thing itself  - it is about the things we can do that help us master the skill itself - the stepping stones that get us there.    Here are three tips I have for you if you want to DO THE WORK of getting good at something: Consider how you are measuring success - are you stuck in all or nothing thinking? How does that keep you from making progress? Ask yourself how you handle failure - could it be true that you cannot fail? I know it sounds naive, but there can be a lot of peace in looking for the truth in this Look at how you are motivating yourself - do you rely on negative motivation to slog your way through it? What would it look l

Will a clear and simple house bring me peace? There is a lot of evidence out there that decluttered, clutter-free home is a peaceful home. There are a lot of studies about the mental burden of clutter. There’s research to tell us that an ordered home helps us to FEEL calmer.  And I believe this is true.    A clear home CAN bring you peace.  But will it? I coach moms on this. Especially moms who label themselves as perfectionists. They have standards and expectations about how their home should be. They want it clear and tidy because of how they think it will make them feel.  They want this, and in order to get it it can come at a cost, the cost is peace in their home. Over the years of decluttering, organizing, doing chores, teaching my kids to do chores I have learned that it can make my space feel peaceful but it is UP TO ME how I show up every step of the way. I have to bring the peace into it.  Have you ever been to a beautiful place but the atmosphere in it stinks? It isn't as simple as how orga

We all have a relationship with food.  It can go from one extreme of food is simply fuel we need to survive, all the way to food is a constant way to experience a pleasure.  In my life, I think I have swung to both sides of this spectrum. I have been paying attention to my relationship with food. What I eat, why I eat, how I feel when I eat and how I feel after. I am learning a lot, and I know I have more to learn.  Paying attention leads us to the subject of MINDFUL EATING. This is something I've been interested in because I don't think it came naturally to me. It is also something I've been wanting to teach my kids more about.  I asked Jessica Penner to come and teach us more about this topic.  Jessica is a Registered Dietitian from Smart Nutrition and the creator of the I Quit Overeating program. We covered so many great issues on mindful eating that mamas can relate to: Regaining control and being confident in what we are eating Food freedom in making choices around food. Let me say it again: