Dr Karin Love & Life

I hear this question from women in my community all the time—“I have an anxious attachment style. Will I ever be able to be in a secure relationship?” To address this concern, psychotherapist Elliott Anderson and I take a deep dive into anxious attachment and how it impacts dating and relationships. Specifically, we discuss: Anxious attachment and our desire for intimacy. Trauma bonds and anxious attachment. When feeling anxiety in a relationship is a GOOD thing! How the hookup culture has impacted attachment. Masculine and feminine energy as they relate to attachment. Elliott shares insights from his 30 years of working with clients and couples. Join us to gain a greater understanding of anxious attachment and how it may influence your dating patterns and relationship dynamics. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SIT

So often when we discuss self-worth and self-esteem, we speak in vague terms about “loving ourselves” first. And sure, we know it starts with us. But what specifically can we DO? What tangible steps can we take to begin to feel worthy of love—especially if we’ve never felt this before? Anita Stoudmire of Better Love Movement joins me to share practical strategies for building into ourselves first which, in turn, positions us for attracting a healthy, happy relationship. We delve into: What to focus on when you’re first getting to know someone. The relationships between authenticity and codependency. How to believe we’re okay—just the way we are. The difference between being wanted vs. needed in relationships. Reparenting—what it is and why many of us need it. The importance of clarifying what doesn’t work for us and sticking to these standards. The danger of rushing into a relationship and the real reasons behind why people do it. Ways to stop losing yourself in relationships. Dr. Phil says, “

If you’ve ever struggled to believe you deserve love, you’re not alone. Many of us grew up in emotionally toxic or traumatic home environments. It’s hard to cultivate self-love and acceptance when no one has ever built us up, believed in us, and cherished us. Author and mindset coach, Leisse Wilcox, wrote the book (literally!) on how to love ourselves—To Call Myself Beloved a Story of Hope, Healing, and Coming Home. She joins me to discuss both the strategies she shares with her clients and her personal journey to self-love. Specifically, we touch on: How to unlearn the stories we’ve told ourselves—many of which are lies. Messages we’ve internalized and the meaning we ascribe to these messages. The story Leisse believed about herself for so many years—I’m the type of person who’s at the end of the table begging for scraps of love. The question that changes everything—are your relationships reinforcing the lies you’ve been told about your worth? The reality that worthiness is the point of self love; t

This week Love & Life partners with Veronica Grant’s “How to Actually Feel Worthy in Love” Podcast Tour! We’re one of 12 podcasts invited to delve into what it truly takes to date from a place of authenticity and confidence so as to build a healthy, happy relationship. But, how can we do so if we don’t fundamentally believe we deserve love? Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson joins me to share a critical strategy he implements with clients and couples—values clarification. As we identify what matters to us and commit to behaving in alignment with our principles, we fortify our identity and confirm our inherent self-worth. For many clients, internalizing this foundation of self-respect provides the first step toward believing love is available to them and, most importantly, that they absolutely deserve it! We’re honored to participate in the tour, between Sandy Weiner of Last First Date Radio and Madeline Charles of The Irresistible Woman podcast. If you’d like to hear all the episodes in the tour and follow

If you’ve ever said, “I really want to date, but I can’t get back out there until I feel confident with my body,” you’re not alone. Most women have wrestled with body image at some point—or at MANY points—in their lives. Veronica Grant understands this struggle and provides powerful strategies for finding where “healthy meets happy” regarding our physique, nutrition, and romance. Join us as we explore themes surrounding: Healthy eating that comes from an unhealthy place! The rigidity inherent to food restriction—even in efforts to eat more nutritiously! The connection between body, intuition, and love life. How obsessing about our size may cause us to miss red flags when getting to know someone! Getting physical quickly which actually keeps us emotionally unavailable. How our efforts to control our diet and exercise spill over to trying to control our partner. Our relationship to food and how it mirrors our relationships with others in our life. Veronica shares her journey from obsessive calorie c

If you’re single, your love life (or lack thereof) is fair game. Friends, family members, and even random strangers provide “solutions” to your “problem.” Or, they interrogate you, determined to uncover the hidden reason you aren’t coupled up—even if you’re perfectly content sans partner!  In this Love & Life bonus episode, Debbi Rice of Single and Amazing, Leslie Kaz of Single Girl Bliss, and I discuss the top 5 asinine comments single women hear. Join us for some single girl commiserating and lots of laughs! We’re here for you! Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

What happens when you always wanted to be a wife and mother, but you haven’t met your person? Well, if you’re author Melanie Notkin, you start a fabulous brand called, Savvy Auntie! Melanie joins us for a vulnerable and candid discussion about how to embrace and thrive in a life we wouldn’t have scripted. We center the conversation around her poignant and powerful book, Otherhood. Specifically, we delve into: How women of The Otherhood manage their ongoing and currently unmet desire for marriage and family. The question almost every woman of The Otherhood has asked herself, “Should I settle for a ‘good enough’ guy in order to have children?” How to handle invasive and insensitive questions/comments about your life e.g. “You must have focused too much on your career!” or “Didn’t you want kids???” The prevailing, yet inaccurate, assumption that women of The Otherhood delayed marriage and child bearing. Grieving the loss of the life we’d expected, while embracing the joys of the life we have! Despite the

It’s National Unmarried and Single Americans Week!  To kick it off, I’ve invited Shani Silver, host of A Single Serving podcast, to share how she moved from complaining about dating to championing the single life!  According to Shani, “I came out of a hole and I know the way out of the hole. I want to tell other people that it’s possible.”  Here are a few more gems of wisdom from my conversation with Shani: “Enjoying a single life—not as a consolation, but as ‘on par’ with life in partnership—is entirely possible. I know this because I’m living it.” “It is 100% possible to love your single life and want a relationship at the same  time. Both of those things can coexist.” “I decided that what was meant for me was going to connect with me. And it was not going to be because I was fighting to find it. Because I had fought to find it for a decade and I didn’t. So that method didn’t serve me.  Maybe just relaxing and letting go and living life will connect me with who I’m meant to be w

After 21 years of dating, serial monogamy, breakups, and periods of feeling miserably alone, Leslie Kaz was over it! Tired of what she calls “The Endless Search” for a man, Leslie decided to take a 6 month break from dating. During those 6 months, Leslie completely redefined herself and her life—so much so, that she abandoned “The Endless Search” and stepped into a brand new way of living! She shares her philosophy in her book, Single Girl Bliss: How to Stop Feeling Alone and Start Feeling Alive. In our conversation, Leslie and I talk about: · The lies we tell ourselves that make us miserable—and how to tackle them! · What it means to be alone—and how to manage it emotionally. · How to choose a partner (should you decide to choose one) from a position of strength! · What saved her in her darkest hour (I promise, you’ll never guess what it was!) · The power of how we present ourselves—and our single life—to others. · How to create new, empowering—and TRUE—beliefs about being single. When I came across Leslie’s

It’s National Unmarried and Single Americans Week and to celebrate, I’m sharing the first chapter of my book, Single is the New Black:  Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right! One of the main myths singles hear is that they’re somehow fundamentally flawed and that’s why they haven’t met their person—if they’d just “fix themselves” already, true love would finally come their way. Yeah, right. I take issue with this bogus assumption and much more in my book and I share the first chapter with you here as a way to kick off a week devoted to singles. Let’s thrive during our single season! My book is here to help! Stay tuned throughout the week for more bonus episodes and giveaways! Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

Women without children walk the road less traveled—and for the vast majority of them, this path was not of their choosing. In fact, of the women who reach midlife without children, only 10% planned to be  “child free”, while 10% are childless due to infertility, and a full 80% are childless not by choice but rather, due to circumstances. Jody Day of Gateway Women shares her personal journey and discusses the many layers of disenfranchised grief surrounding childlessness. Specifically, we cover: ·        Second wave feminism and the unintended consequence of circumstantial childlessness. ·        The emotional, physical, and financial complexities of IVF—the real stats. ·        Jody’s thoughts on how to respond to the, “Oh, you would have made such a great mom!” comments. ·        When the term “biological clock” first appeared in the discourse. ·    &

In this Love & Life Q&A episode, I answer the following questions: 1. “Jessica” really wants to remain friends with her ex. This breakup is even harder than most because they trauma bonded throughout 2020 when she turned 40 and also lost her father. Is it possible they could actually remain friends? 2. “Danielle” hasn’t spoken to her ex for over a year but she still thinks about him. She knows she needs to move on but like most of us, she absolutely HATES dating apps. Is there anything she can do? I share therapeutic strategies for how to get over heartbreak by moving through and moving on. Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes -------------------------------------------------------- Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

“We’ll be besties forever!” “No matter what happens, we’ll stay close.” “You’re my BFF and nothing will change that!” We said it. We meant it. But life happens, and it gets in the way of even the closest friendship. And sometimes it hurts—a lot. But we CAN remain close—as we talked about in last week’s episode—by examining our expectations. My BFF, Miriam Conner, joins me to share her philosophy on friendship—the “No Pressure” friendship. Specifically, we delve into: How to maintain strong friendships while also adjusting our expectations as our priorities shift. What developmental psych research on preschoolers and empathy can teach us about adult friendships! Three options for how to respond when a friend disappoints us. Personal stories of when we both found ourselves needing to cut friends out of our lives. How to handle it when a friend cancels plans at the last minute. What to do when a friend changes dramatically. How to politely disengage from a friend who has unreasonable expectations. The parallels

When asked what we treasure most, people readily respond with one word—relationships. Our friends, family, and romantic partners enrich our lives in myriad ways, providing encouragement, support, affection, and joy. Except when they don’t. When our relationships are in crisis, our life is in crisis and when they’re thriving, we thrive. As Tony Robbins puts it, “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” So, why is it such a struggle to maintain healthy and fulfilling intimacy in our lives? Great question! And, today’s episode provides answers! Join me to learn three research-based hacks to improve EVERY relationship in your life—your connection to friends, family, and significant others! Citations: Hawkley, L.C., Thisted, R.A., Masi, C.M., & Cacioppo, J.T. (2010). Loneliness predicts increased blood pressure:  5-year cross-lagged analyses in middle-aged and older adults. Psychology and Aging, 25(1), 132-141. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T., & Layton, B. (2010). Social relationsh

It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A episode! We have three questions to tackle today. 1. One listener wants to know how to ask a guy out. She lives in Ireland and finds Irish men are often hesitant to take the lead. Can she ask him out while still dating empowered? 2. A second listener struggles to find the motivation to date after a year of lockdowns and Covid malaise. But she’s in her late 30s and worries about her biological clock. Why is it such a struggle? What can she do to motivate herself? 3. A third listener wonders how to let guys know she’s interested—she’s been told she’s too closed off and appears aloof in the early stages of dating. So in her last relationship, she tried to be open, honest, and vulnerable, but she got ghosted anyway! She now regrets it because looking back she felt much “schmoopier” with this guy—which wasn’t comfortable for her. How can she express interest while still dating empowered? Join us for a deep dive into these common—and frustrating—dating dilemmas! Citati

Sometimes, if we’ve been single for a while—or longer than a while—we begin to doubt ourselves. We wonder why love seems so hard to find. Are we doing something wrong? Is there a particular quality we’re missing? What are men looking for anyway? Well, here’s the good news. You have exactly what your person is looking for! I promise. And, it’s not just my opinion, it’s what science says! Psychologist David Buss studied men and women in 37 different cultures/countries and found that both sexes desire the same four qualities in their spouses. Join me for an empowering and confidence boosting episode—you have everything you need to attract your person to you! References: Buss, D. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences:  Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12, 1-14. Welch, D. (2015). Love factually:  10 proven steps from I wish to I do. Love Science Media. Sponsor: Therappy App Download the app here: https://therappy.onelink.me/mNmu/92326bf9 Dr. Kar

On Love & Life we talk about beliefs all the time—because they’re incredibly powerful and they impact every area of our lives—especially our love life. What we believe about ourselves and what we believe we have to offer a partner sets the tone we bring to our dating efforts and experiences. And sometimes, we hold beliefs that assert influence over us, but we don’t even know we hold these beliefs! On today’s episode, psychotherapist turned dating coach, Melanie Hersch, and I explore how we can harness our beliefs and level up our mindset for empowered dating! Join us to learn how to: reprogram limiting beliefs about our self-worth. identify the stories we tell ourselves—which may, in fact, be lies! be vulnerable without providing too much information too soon! recognize when we’re triggered so as not to blame and shame our partner. establish boundaries early on when dating—boundaries which establish precedents for how you desire to be treated throughout the relationship. Incorporating her psyc

Sexless in the city? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? In our hyper-sexualized culture, it appears everyone is hooking up without concern—giving no thought whatsoever to the impact casual encounters have on our soul and psyche. But this perception may not be the reality—it certainly isn’t for blogger and author Kat Harris. Kat has thought deeply about sex—its place in her life as a Christian, single woman and its role in society in general. Kat talks about her new book, Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex. Specifically, we delve into: The vastly different expectations we have of men and women when it comes to managing our sex drive. The trending and controversial topic of “modest is hottest.” How casual sex “flattens” our humanity. The “friend zone” and what we sometimes do to get ourselves stuck there. Daddy issues and attraction to unavailable men. Join us for—as the book’s title promises—a sometimes sassy, sometimes painful, an

I’ve rolled out a few reels over the last couple months talking about cultivating an empowered mindset for empowered dating! But unfortunately, for some of you watching overseas, the audio won’t play when music is placed behind the vocal track (perhaps it’s a licensing issue in some countries?) When I learned some of you weren’t able to hear the audio, I figured the best way to work around this problem would be to share the reels via a podcast episode. So, here it is! Let me know your favorite reels and if you have any topics you’d like me to address—via reels or in a Love Smarter, Not Harder IGTV—please head over to my website to let me know how I can be of help! Sponsor: Millionaire Match Download the free app here: https://app.appsflyer.com/id1484587490?pid=af3236943 Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

Tausha Pearson would tell you, “It all started with a ‘crazy’ single mom tax return…” “Crazy” meaning—she had a chunk of money she didn’t need. So, she took that tax return and spent it on a trip to Haiti. While touring Haitian orphanages with 11 social work interns, Tausha learned 80% of the orphans had families who desperately wanted them home but couldn’t afford to feed and educate them. In addition to this sad reality, she discovered rampant sexual abuse occurring in every orphanage they visited. Tausha couldn’t unsee this devastation; she took action by creating Haiti Mama—an organization devoted to providing parents with services and employment to help families remain intact. Tausha is a disrupter—she disrupted ineffective (and abusive!) child welfare practices and implemented support to reunite Haitian families! Join us to hear Tausha’s inspiring story and learn how you can be a part of the Haiti Mama mission! Tausha Pearson Website: http://www.haitimama.org/  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandli