Dr Karin Love & Life

Have you heard? You can now listen to my book, Single is the New Black:  Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right! It’s available on Audible and iTunes! To celebrate the release of the audio version, I wanted to provide a chapter as a podcast episode so you could get a feel for the book and what it’s all about. It’s essentially the book I wish had been available to me when I was still single and, as a matter of fact, I started writing it when I was still single. I was so tired of reading self-help books that made me feel worse about myself—books that tried to convince me I was doing something horribly wrong or I that I was fundamentally flawed and that’s why I was still single.  So, like I said, I wrote the book I couldn’t find but wanted to read! (I go into more depth and share the backstory of why I wrote the book in ep. 90 so if that interests you, please check out that episode.) I wasn’t sure which chapter to share and I considered chapter 3 because when I was single, people often told me I was too pick

If you’ve dated a passive man or TRIED to date a passive man—because he never got around to asking you out—this episode is for you! As empowered women, we’ve been raised to take charge and take action, but does that work for us when dating? Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson is back to share his thoughts on male passivity—what it’s about and how to handle it! Elliott and I discuss: Why women who’ve experienced mother wounds may be more likely to be attracted to passive men. The definition of interdependence and how it’s VERY different from codependence. Why most women would rather know their man’s heart and disagree with his thoughts than not know him and feel alienated from him. What Elliott has learned after working with hundreds of men. Spoiler alert:  NONE of these passive men have been okay with their passivity. They’ve always loathed that part of their personality. Why letting a man choose you helps us stop choosing passive men. How to be a cheerleader for your man without running things and t

Lisa Cleary went through a bad breakup at age 31. In addition to grieving the demise of her relationship, she lost her job and ended up homeless. She slept on friends’ sofas for months. She felt defeated and demoralized—this was not where she expected to be at 31. And while her life unraveled, her friends’ lives seemed to play out perfectly. Lisa got knocked down hard, but through her pain and struggle, she developed grit and perspective. She shares her experience in her book, How to Survive a Breakup:  When All of Your Friends Are Birthing Their Second Child, and she joins us to discuss the question, “Can anything good come from a bad breakup?” Specifically she delves into: Toxic Milestones:  the tendency for women to berate themselves if they’re “missing the mark” How she felt the need to “prove her worth” with the perfect relationship and high-powered job The problem with being a Type A personality when dating Trying to make a relationship something it isn’t meant to be The beauty in honori

In this Love & Life Q&A episode, I answer 3 questions: 1. How can I tell if the attraction I feel for someone is healthy?  What if the “sparks” are a result of a trauma bond or anxious attachment style? 2. How can I address the topic of a pre-nup with my fiancé? He has a son and I’m currently taking care of us financially because he’s in school. I just want to be sure I’m taking care of my finances as we move forward. 3. Do women need to “signal” to other women that they’re in a relationship? I see many women “flexing” to let others know their man is “off limits.” I’m personally not into this. But, if I’m with a guy, will he want to see me posture in this manner to let to other women know he belongs to me? Join us to hear my thoughts on these questions! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

We say it every week on Love & Life, “Take charge of your thoughts! Take charge of your life!” And what better way to do so than by taking a deep dive into female brain chemistry! Thanks to Dr. Tracy Alloway’s new book, Think Like a Girl: 10 Unique Strengths of a Woman’s Brain and How to Make Them Work for You, we now have a comprehensive resource for harnessing our female brain and appreciating its superpowers! Join us to discuss: What you need to know about your female brain if you’re in leadership—or hope to be someday! How a bucket of ice can help with rational decision making! The ONE main quality to look for in potential romantic partners (it predicts successful, happy, lasting relationships!) How to be attracted to people who are GOOD for us! Attachment styles in dating—you’ll be surprised what you’ll learn about attachment and men! Oxytocin and bonding—what you need to know to cultivate and nurture your partnership/marriage! The research on how to remain madly in love! The differences b

In last week’s episode Dan and I answered your questions—many of which surrounded the beginning of our relationship. We noted we started dating in late August and Dan asked me to be exclusive in early January—about 4 ½ months. Much to my surprise, I received a lot of feedback from you with comments like, “How did you wait so long?” “Wasn’t it hard knowing he was dating other people? I’d be so jealous!” “I have Anxious Attachment—I couldn’t handle a relationship being undefined for so long!” Obviously, I felt comfortable with the pace of our relationship but many of you (65% according to my Insta poll) felt differently. Your responses got me thinking—about my history of taking things slowly, the science substantiating this approach, and also, about how slowing our roll can serve as our best defense against love bombing! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

Recently, I posted a poll on Instagram asking if you had any questions or topics you wanted Dan and me to discuss on the program. You had a LOT to say and today we respond to you questions and concerns in an episode devoted to how to have a GREAT relationship. Specifically, we cover: What do men worry about when dating? What were Dan’s concerns? Do men really change for a woman if she’s The One? How dating in your late 30s/early 40s differs from dating earlier in life. How Dan and I met (for more on this, check out episode 46). How our relationship progressed—did we date other people while dating each other?  Did we know we were dating other people? Were we jealous about these other relationships? Why we decided to choose to be exclusive with each other (for more on this, check out episode 89). We received so many questions, we decided to make this a two-part series. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com Instagram: @dr.karin

There’s still a bit of mystery—and sometimes, stigma—surrounding psychotherapy, so I’m starting an occasional series called, “Let’s Talk Therapy!”  In these episodes we’ll pull back the curtain and provide the inside scoop on what counseling is all about! Today, Eli Weinstein, LCSW, shares his professional and personal journey as a social worker and therapist. Join us as we discuss: The lingering stigma surrounding mental health. The “dream” of treating emotional health with the same frequency as our physical health. Why saying “I’m having a panic attack!” when you’re actually just nervous, is problematic for ourselves and others. The relationship between your health insurance provider and therapist. What therapists can do to see their clients more objectively. What YOU can do to be sure you pick the right counselor for you! We wrap up with Eli’s philosophy on dating, relationships, and marriage—some of our fav Love & Life topics! Eli Weinstein, LCSW Website: https://www.elivation.org/ Dr.

No one makes it through childhood unscathed—and for some, childhood consists of multiple traumatic events. We carry these wounds with us as we step into adulthood—at which point, we may hope to just survive. But can we actually THRIVE after trauma? Shari Botwin, LCSW, joins me to talk about her book, Thriving After Trauma:  Stories of Living and Healing. Shari discusses her own childhood trauma and the steps she took to move through pain and move toward wholeness and health. We talk specifically about the shame inherent to trauma, how to find an appropriate therapist to assist you in your journey, and ways to feel empowered despite years of feeling disempowered. Shari’s story and wisdom will inspire you to believe in the possibility of thriving after trauma! Shari Botwin, LCSW Website: http://www.sharibotwin.com/ Instagram: @warriorbotwin7 Warrior Women Speak Podcast: https://anchor.fm/shari-botwin  Book: http://www.rowman.com/ISBN/9781538125601/Thriving-After-Trauma-Stories-of-Living-and-Healing&n

Relationships don’t have to be so difficult—they can actually be fluid and even EASY! But they definitely can’t be easy if we pick unhealthy, toxic partners. And all too often, we’re completely unaware as to why we keep attracting—and being attracted to—dysfunctional people in the first place. For years, Anita Stoudmire chose men who were incapable of being the partner she desired. Eventually, she’d had enough disappointment and frustration. Anita began to unpack the dynamics causing her to choose poorly. She joins me to explain how she fixed her “picker” and finally learned to choose well! Anita Stoudmire, MA, LPC Website: http://www.betterlovemovement.com/ Instagram: @betterlovemovement Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

One question I often receive is, “I know ‘core values’ are important in relationships, but to be honest, I’m not sure I actually know what mine are.” In this episode, we discuss the definition of core values and how we can identify the ones that matter most to us. Furthermore, we explore how clarifying our core values not only allows us to better understand ourselves, but also prepares us to recognize our person! We wrap up the episode discussing the psych research surrounding core values and how our values set a foundation for successful, fulfilling relationships! Sources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201807/39-core-values-and-how-live-them https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/relationship-values-every-couple-must-have/ Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

It’s hard to trust when our heart has been broken multiple times. We get jaded and bitter. We build up a wall of protection. We worry we’ll never be able to trust anyone ever again. This week I answer 3 listeners’ questions. One listener asks exactly this: How can I trust again after being cheated on multiple times and spending 9 years in a toxic relationship? Another listener wonders if she should change her name now that she’s divorced. She’s concerned because she has 3 school aged children and although she’d like to step away from her ex’s name, she’s concerned about how her children might feel should their mom have a different last name. The final question is from a woman wondering how to respond to an ex’s new gf who insists on bad-mouthing her to their mutual friends. Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

One of the themes of Love & Life is Never Settle! But for women who refuse to settle in love, it might take a while to meet our person. Most of us are okay waiting for the right one, but it’s our biological clock that puts the pressure on us. The realities of our fertility can’t be ignored—we can’t procreate forever. But over the last several years, egg freezing has moved from an experimental procedure to one that’s mainstream and quite common. Many of you have reached out asking if I’d cover egg freezing on the podcast. So, when I saw Britt McHenry’s Instagram story about freezing her eggs, I reached out to see if she’d share her egg freezing journey with the Love & Life community. Join us to learn all you need to know about freezing your eggs from one who’s been there, done that and is SO glad she did. Britt McHenry is a Fox News contributor. She was one of the main hosts to launch Fox’s streaming service Fox Nation, specifically designed for Millennials across the country. She’s a political host an

Most of us assumed we’d eventually be mothers. And, many of us deeply desired this—we dreamed about it, we planned for it, we read parenting books preparing ourselves for this most important role. But sometimes, life doesn’t play out as we’d hoped and we end up childless not by choice. Katy Seppi of Chasing Creation joins me to talk about how we can move through this profound loss—the loss of something we never had. Katy discusses the concerns childless women face—the alienation from other women who are mothers, the disenfranchised grief, and how we can reimagine and embrace a life that looks nothing like the life we expected. She also shares details about her upcoming virtual conference—The Childless Collective Summit! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

I LOVE hearing from you and I know listeners LOVE hearing from each other! So a few months ago, I reached out to you via my newsletter to see if anyone wanted to tell her story. I was so happy Kate Griffith agreed to share the struggles she faced during her single years—but also, and more importantly, why she’s actually glad for her single years and the growth she experienced while navigating life solo! Kate talks about all she did to embrace her single season—how she made reservations for one, saw movies by herself, and even traveled alone. By pushing and challenging herself in these realms, Kate became stronger individually, gained confidence, and learned to be at home with herself—and by herself. We wrap up the conversation focusing on the benefits of adulting on our own—benefits that pay off in spades once we’re in partnership. Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

Brunnie’s childhood was rough. Her family struggled with addiction, abandonment, abuse, poverty, and more. As a result, she created a protective shell around her which left her “emotionally frozen” and withdrawn. In college, she sought out counseling—she knew she needed help. Her therapist empathized with her, validating the adversity she’d endured. Then he said two words that changed her life forever, “Now what?” Through the power of REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), Brunnie learned she didn’t have to always be sad. She had a choice in the matter! She could take charge of her thoughts to take charge of her life—which she did! Join us to hear how Brunnie moved from a bad childhood to a great life via REBT! Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

In part 2 of my recent Insta live with Laura Behnke, we break down three ridiculous lies single women hear ALL the time! Unfortunately, we heard them, too, and in this episode we share how we pushed back against them! We then answer questions we received from those watching the live: 1. Do we miss anything about being single? 2. How can I tell the difference between a dealbreaker vs. typical ups and downs of relationships? 3. If I haven’t had a legit relationship, should I tell someone I’m just starting to date? 4. How can I fall into my feminine energy? 5. I’m scared of getting hurt—once again! What can I do? 6. I’m a perfectionist. Do I hold my bfs to unreasonable standards? 7. My mother recently passed away and I was her caretaker. I’m not sure what to do with myself now… Laura and I have #beentherefeltthat and we’re here to provide the support we wish we’d had when we were single for much longer than we’d expected. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

Last week I did an Instagram live with Laura Behnke of Life Actually. Laura and I align on so many levels—she also found love later than she’d hoped to and therefore dealt with “single shaming” along the way. Laura’s been there, felt that and learned to embrace her life actually! Join us for a lively conversation discussing: How to increase your self worth (spoiler alert:  science says there’s only ONE way!) Managing the fear of, “What if I never find my person?” How to use “psychological flexibility” to embrace your life actually and live life on YOUR terms! (“psychological flexibility” comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy—see episode 65 with Dr. Steven C. Hayes, creator of ACT) How to fall in love with being by yourself. The myth of being “too independent” to find love and why your independence makes you BETTER prepared for partnership! How being with a partner because you WANT each other—as opposed to NEED each other—protects us from infidelity. How to move from operating from

Many of you resonated with our recent conversation on the father wound (ep. 125) and asked if we’d speak to the mother wound, too. So, psychotherapist and pastor Elliott Anderson is back to discuss how mother wounds affect our dating and relationships. Join us to learn: How the mother wound differs from the father wound. Common mother wounds children experience. Enmeshment with mothers and how this impacts our ability to form healthy romantic attachments. Recognizing when we’re “using” a romantic connection to “escape” dynamics from our family of origin. Dating a man with a mother wound. In recognizing our mother wounded, we’re able to bring it to the surface, process it, and move through it—toward emotional relief, intrapersonal wholeness, and relational wellness. Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/love-and-life-media/support

Fear is a powerful force—it permeates all realms of love and life but it seems particularly impactful when it comes to dating. We fear meeting someone new—because we’ve been rejected before. We fear trusting—because our trust has been broken in the past. We fear committing—because commitments never seem to last. At the same time, we fear not dating, trusting, and committing because we fear being alone and worry we’ll be single forever. Psychologist Dr. Stephanie Spielmann’s work examines this specific concern—the fear of being single forever. Join me as I discuss the findings from several Spielmann studies elucidating the influence of fear on our dating lives, but more importantly—what we can do to overcome this fear and date from a place of hope and empowerment! Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com Instagram: @dr.karin --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/love-and-life-media/support