Your Kickstarter Sucks

Let’s make this one quick, Chrome wants to update itself for the 19th time this week and I need to relaunch it and lose all my tabs. Oh it doesn’t lose all your tabs they should just open right back up or they’re in your history…blah blah blah…who cares! I FEEL like I’m going to lose all my tabs. And my feelings don’t care about facts. Now let’s discuss Today’s Topics. On this week’s ep, we’ve got a meat cube, a book light, and a lollipop. Sound lackluster? Well, I’ve cleverly left out some key details of those projects that might just get you clicking on the play button. That’s my secret. I want you to click play! And that was Today’s Topics. Enjoy the show.Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Wanna hear even more new Beatles songs? Well we bought all the rights to them and are airing them exclusively on YKS Premium! Unfortunately you will have to wade through video YKS Premiums and ad-

You are not going to believe some of the Kickstarters we dredged up this week. An umbrella that moves around for you?? A social network for dogs?? An ad for the woods?? If you believe all that you would believe what we dredged up this week because that’s what it is. And like 3 other things. And somehow it takes like 2 hours to do all that. Insane. What is going with these guys?? I’m worried sick!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium is where ya gotta go for more of these knuckleheads. You already know!This week’s episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands: Factor - Head to FACTOR MEALS dot com slash yks50 and use code yks50 to get 50% off. That’s code yks50 at FACTOR MEALS dot com slash yks50 to get 50% off!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Did somebody say…McLnald’s? I did, when I went into the drive thru…and that’s exactly what I got! On today’s show we are putting our rock horns up and making the piss face while we slide a towel over our Jeep seats. Plus we try to figure out how to cook ramen, whether European guys can be funny, and how cops like to party!! So grab a dog bowl and start slurpin...it’s an all-new YKS!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. We all love our phones! And we love YKS Premium! We’ve just wrapped up an all-bangers Miketober with two episodes featuring some of our favorite crazy pairs: First, Tom and Demi from BigSoftTitty.PNG joined for Event Horizon, and after that, the Doughboys, Nick and Mitch, hopped on for a review of The Gate! Now there’s four freaks I wouldn’t wanna meet up with in a dark alley! But you can, at Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy a

It's another YKS and you just KNOW this bad boy is CHUCK FOOL of laughs! This week we got some old favourites: a stupid assed app, a useless electronic piece of shit, and we threw in a sack of crystals for good measure! Also on this episode: celebrity hair stylist Corm Deedle stops by to give Dan a surprise makeover -- (You won't believe his new 'do!), the boys brush up on their "netiquette" with social-media expert Churb Peproni and wildlife handler Marc Dogballs drops in to chat about what else: BIRDS! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Alright folks it’s time to updoot the show. So just take that little mouse clicker and hover it over the, uh, show. Then it’s simply time to press the mouse clicker downwards, locking in the updoot and signaling to the rest of the people looking at the show that you have decided it is updootable! And from there, all you need to do is to continue doing that forever and ever until the internet is good. Thank you for your time and doots!On today’s show we got a very interesting question about ice cream and doodoo, a terrifying trip through r/TwoSentenceHorror, and, of course, DB’s patented “Wild Mike Challenge”. Plus, we got memes for Christians, a fucking cup for fussy little weenies, more AI stuff that sucks, and ORGIES with your FRIENDS! How crazy is that?! Enough to keep a person of average intelligence entertained for about 90 minutes? God I hope so. My life depends on it! Oh wow it's a lot longer than that. Is that good?Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle

Animals…they’re basically humans with smaller brains. But what if we could make their braings bigger, so we could kiss on them. And help them watch TV. Well, that’s one problem our nation’s beloved psychics and button-builders have been working on for many years. And if this episode is any indication, they may be getting very close! To stealing your money! On this week’s show we’re comforting sad lizards, buying into a cell phone technology even more embarrassing than the dreaded green bubble, and of course giving ourselves over to the incredible advances of AI Reddit-Scrapers. Finally…a worse podcast than YKS! Just joking around, I think we do a decent job here. Listen now and tell me if I’m wrong!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. A chill is in the air…It must be a sign…that you should subscribe to YKS Premium today! Miketober has begun and it’s going horrifically so far! Which, in t

Quick! You’ve got 60 seconds! TO LAUGH! Well we oughta have you covered on this week’s episode which, although I’ve not seen the final runtime just yet, I would have to imagine is north of 1 minute long and ought to contain at least 1 giggle-worthy joke. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium…it’s more important now than ever before! Well, it’s probably the same amount of important as before, but this month you’re gonna feel real glad you took the plunge. This Friday, Miketober IV: Hole-O-Ween beginsThis week’s YKS is brought to you by these fine brands:Athletic Greens - It’s (clap) flu (clap) and (clap) cold season! Let’s protect ourselves with all the usual stuff - washing the hands, masking the face, never leaving the house, etc. and then add onto it some immunity-supporting vitamins! After all, your car can’t go without gas (some do, I guess). Vitamins = gas. Well, AG1

Imagine opening up the newspaper, flipping past the Coca-Cola stock ticker, Marmaduke and the blurbs about all the people who croaked this week, and finding tucked away in the bottom corner the answers to all life’s most pertinent questions. What’s my destiny? Will I find true love? Am I a good person? What numbers should I play on the Powerball? Well, plenty of people do think you can do just that. And who am I to say otherwise? Well, actually, I’m a Sagittarius – which is the best type of guy you can be. On today’s show we’re talking all about our astrology fuckstyles, autonomous food, celebrity hypnotherapists, and all kinds of other stuff that’s, well, fake but still fun. Plus a fan type that promises to threaten the Lasko Throne. It’s another crazy YKS so let’s just all listen to it right now! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium also answers some of life’s big ques

Aliens spotted in Mexico! AI run amok! Weird church guys have their own dating app! It’s Monday morning in America, and these are today’s headlines. Okay I actually just looked at today’s headlines and they’re mostly about Drew Barrymore’s morning show. So we’ll probably get into that on today’s show, as well as Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez appearing in adorable new BFF selfies…very nice! Plus we’ve got a tabletop game project so strange that we don’t just look the other way when walking past the guy talking about it, a peanut butter device for true peanut butter freaks, and economic justice. Basically a bunch of crap. That’s what you like, right? Well there’s plenty of it. So download the show and then listen to it on your phone speaker while taking public transit. That’s The YKS Way!  Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Want more YKS? Then you need YKS Premium. Nuff said. A

Hey! Put down your phone! And put down the other thing that might be in your hand right now! It’s time for another YKS! On today’s program, we’re discovering the intricacies of language, exploring many new and exciting beverage options, and, yes, talking about whacking off. Plus, we’ve got a really cool way to keep peepee off your potty, champagne that even losers can enjoy, and some good old fashioned snake oil. And I’m not talking about that other kind of snake oil! Oh brother! Just enjoy the show…Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium! The place for all demons in a tube! Last week we checked out what some of our friends in the church are doing with all the money we’ve been sending their way, and the results are kind of not too good if we’re being honest! This week, we’ll be joined by our even more satanic friends Libby Watson and Pat Gill to discuss the mysteries beyond the

And it’s orange!!! No, I’m not talking about the former Mister Diet Coke In Chief, but rather some kind of stupid little fuckin thing you plug into your phone (???) And it Helps You. By letting you call someone else. If they’re, like, super close. Okee doke!! On today’s program, we are changing social media (if our other ideas don’t work out or make sense), drinking some stuff out of a mug (no handles, convenient), and planting some flowers (on the ceiling, hell yeah!) That would be more than enough for one show, but we saw fit to do approximately 3 more things I think. And knowing us…that’s just the beginning. Well hopefully you have enjoyed this episode description as much as I have enjoyed writing it. And oh yeah, there’s a whole show to listen to as well! Not as good as this of course. But still, not too bad. Well, now I need to go to the bathroom. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan

Hey there! Have ya heard bout Nowee? And the great Fluuhhd? Wale, we’re talkin’ about that today a little bit, and of course those dang ol’ iPods too. Plus, we’re innovating wallet technology back to the early 2000s, kissing our birds, flipping wallet chains with CIA guys, and of course, rocking out! Tell your pappy, it’s a new episode of YKS! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium…a place you can go to whenever you close your eyes, randomly type in the 9 or 10 or whatever digits of some credit card number, and press enter! For more episodes of YKS, access to the Discord, and much more, sign up today! And that will presumably fix some problems we are all having (??)This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Mint Mobile - Ring ring…it’s time for savings! Ring ring was the sound of your alarm going off, not the phone ringing. You’re one of those people who has the

Old Navy slammed my debit card! That’s just one non-sequitur featuring a name of a company we have no relationship with, which will nevertheless be auto-populated as a sponsor on dogshit AI websites around the net. Here’s some more: Linus Tech Tips, Husqvarna, and the government of the People’s Republic of China. Let’s see what kinda discount code we can cook up with that. On today’s show, our very own Mike goes Spooky Boy mode, we learn a lot from Motivational Speaker Instagram Bald, and we fire everyone who works for us and doesn’t have a six pack (doesn’t apply to co-owners). Plus, we’re membering stuff, tracking our, uh, treasures, and proving the existence of psychic abilities once and for all, with Google Docs. You can hear all that and more by grabbing our RSS feed, asserting a relationship with us, and becoming unresponsive to emails – right now – on an all-new YKS!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited

YKS 3:16 says I just downloaded your ass! I forgot to say that in the episode so putting it here will poopsimply have to do. On today’s show, we’re joining Club Cool with Jukebox Ron and sending a  tribute to J. Lo. Plus we got a coffee product that somehow is not intended for everyone on Earth to drink, a probably-illegal brain scam, some guys who would fall for a brain scam, a Christian TV show so bad I don’t think even Christians would watch it, and more. It is at this point that I catch a couple of seltzer cans out of the air, crack them open, pour them all over my head, and kick Producer Dan right in the belly. I have won the title, and am the Big Champion of Whatever. A crazed fan slides into the studio and attempts to remove my jean shorts before being tackled by DB in a clown suit. It’s just another day taping YKS. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium! That’

Would you like to play a game? As kids, we sure did! But you’ll be surprised to learn that Mike and I grew up a little bit differently. Smirk. I’m so inexperienced in classic gaming I thought Escape From Monkey Island was a Jane Goodall biopic. But I digress. On today’s show, Producer Dan poops in a Gatorade bottle (just seeing if he reads these), we confirm the existence of a freaky mail carrier, and we move to Ireland to avoid income tax. Plus, we’re keeping our Altoids safe on the beach (coulda used that last month!), we’re picking up puke, and we’re finally revisiting the amazing world of South Park. I wonder what they’d say if they were still producing episodes today! Ah! Probably something like “My pronouns are Cartman.” I have now been hired for the show. Enjoy.Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Well, folks, we had one hell of a month on YKS Premium. We were joined by Stuart and

Hey free coffee…want any? Yeah, it does suck! Thanks for letting us use this in our commercial!! ← Do you think this scenario could really happen? Well, the boys at YKS don’t, and that’s why they came out with Episode 314 of the program, and not any other contractual, financial, or sheer inertia-based reasons! On today’s show we’re doing a very short and unsatisfying investigation into how fruit flies pork each other, and yes of course buttwiping technology returns as a focal point of the conversation as well. Plus we’re talking old man hobbies, kissing the computer, and rats with PTSD. Do YOU think you can take down the evil Dr. Divisor with your power of exponent multiplicity? Then put it to the test…it’s an all-new YKS!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium! THAT’S what I wanted to talk about. On last Friday’s YKS Premium, we went out to the…movies! In the middle of a movie

Opening up a recent issue of Business Touch Magazine to see if there are any weird and slightly paranoid guys selling a 75 year old piece of equipment I could shock myself with, and ah! What’s this! A big heavy thing my friends can roast me over? Well, well well, I do believe I have hit the **ZAP**....jackpot. I’m just kidding. It looks cool. I don’t want to do any more references to stuff that’s in the episode because the stuff I wrote down is mostly about poop, and I’m 35 years old so that kind of sucks. But the Kickstarters this week are pretty funny and they are basically all huge scams so it’s okay to laugh at them. And we talk about some other stuff as well, in addition to the poop things I mentioned before. Yep that feels bad. Okay, talk to you later.Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium - I really think, and I am serious, that this is one of the best shows you can list

It would have made a lot of sense to stop doing episodes after we made it to 311…such a momentous occasion, such an incredible event, and of course it’s all downhill from there anyway. But according to recent polling, people are loving the slop more than ever before (and also we don’t have other jobs or things to do outside of sitting on the computer) and as a result, we have elected to continue doing the show for the foreseeable future! And as luck would have it, there were approximately 6 new things to talk about this week, including a guy reinventing drinking water, a guy reinventing sleeping, and finally, the discovery of a combination of sex and food that somehow fails to make any sense whatsoever. Looks like this one is coming in at the required length, so pop some pornocorn and let the AI-powered tablet beep and boop at you for a while…it’s time for a new YKS!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Pro

Oh yeah man, mondo badass episode! Schwing! Sorry it doesn’t really work to try to sound like the boneheaded robbers from 3 Ninjas, textually, and also I’m not sure 311 Guy is in the same ballpark. But, on the other hand, it’s our damn milestone and we can celebrate it however we damn well please! I choose…incoherent, replacement-level episode description. On today’s episode we’ve got a brand new Weird Coffee drink and it’s called the Starbucks Booger! That’s just a complete joke of course but you’re used to that by now, 311 episodes in. What we do have though is a dumbass little kid’s fascist magazine, some cute signs from some old ladies, and 13 pieces of crap in one. And don’t say that’s me and all my friends! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Son of a BEACH!! This month of YKS Premium is guaranteed to be hot, hot, hot! Join DB, JF, and some very special guests as they feel th

Oh my God! It’s almost the Fourth of July! I hope this episode of YKS talks about it instead of being about stuff that happened three weeks ago! Oh my godddddd! I want to talk about the Fourth of July!!! Shaddddddddaappppppp! Nobody cares about that busted ass holiday anyway; we’re already thinking about Augstrember’s Eve. On this week’s episode of YKS, we’re talking about what happened to broccolini, Rube Goldberg masturbation, and going back to the soup. Plus, we got a stupid fuckin bowl, a machine to incentivize wiping your butt at your computer desk, and a mask that will make you go completely insane. That’s good enough for a show but somehow we probably do like 15-20 more things. What will they be? Only one way to find out.. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Want more YKS? Then ya gotta get YKS Premium! There are more episodes there than there are grains of sand at the beach! Th