Border Boss

Lies, drugs, and fish are stacking up to a surprising degree following our week off. I won't say we do our best because raising expectations like that is a fool's game, but don't nobody tell Montana's ASS-END OFFEND because they're working harder than a... well... yeah I don't know.

As men of culture, of course we bend all the technology at our disposal to the task of international sport, but that doesn't mean we don't have plenty of time left over in our day for Walking on the Moon. Meanwhile the boys in SHOGUN have upwards of 6 guitarists vying for your attention.

It's better to travel and if possible it's great to travel offworld because this world isn't looking great long term. Stuck on Earth? Consider the benefits of Czechia. Still too far? Well at the very least you can leave your troubles behind for 14 minutes as legendary Buffalonians ZERO TOLERANCE chant down babylon or its equivalent.

Yung drummers, hardcore gaming, choosing a great jacket, and horning in on other podcasts are all just tools in the big fat boxes we use to tear into the coffee-table-ready sights and sounds of THE CASKET LOTTERY.

Let's explore all the ways that underground things can be country. Can hardcore fans who like Nascar be country? Can a groove metal act in Nudie suits be country? Can sludge rockers with rebellious license plates who sing about regional cryptid violence be country? Only the first 11 SCISSORFIGHT records can tell us the truth.

All we do is slave away over these hot ideas, dumping them out like tinned fish. This week we are working on the equally pressing issues of social justice AND big justice and I think we're making real progress. AND we listened to this record by HOLDING ON for you. What have you done for us lately?

This week we choke down some hard truths about lowlife dining, lowlife shopping, lowlife camping and lowlife cinema critique before tucking into the finer things in life like the thick, tangy stick to your ribs meal of a record by Memphis' own BURY THE LIVING.

We have a long voyage ahead of us and I have packed all the things we'll need... sardines in sauce, garfish in olive oil, mackerel in mustard, barnacles in brine, peppered eels, paprika mermaid tail... oh and a knife. Luckily we are on our way to a land where the only sea you'll see is the sea of potatoes so we won't be harassed by harbor seals and killer whiles despite littering fish reeking cans across America. I brought a portable record player so we can check out some HUMMINGBIRD OF DEATH on the way.

It's time to get real about rock and roll and all the deadly dangers it contains. I'm not talking about some Mistah Bone "Once Bitten Twice Shy" stories, I mean true sharp steel. HARD steel like the swords of the gods. Tell you what, let's hear those gods allegedly chop each other to pieces courtesy of the mythmaking bards in BACK WHEN.

Domo arigato, listeners! It's time to spill some tea and we're going to do it over an absolutely foul club ready beat from a galaxy far far away. Doesn't it sound like I am describing a completely different podcast? One where people argue about whether Thanos could snap away the Beyonder? LOL The Beyonder has a Lambo so there's no chance. Anyway OUR Lambos are finally packed and as quick as a snap, we're ready to leave South Carolina for good, waving sadly to the fellas from IN/HUMANITY who are all shrugging because they don't know who we are or why we're waving.

In an episode where we've already been pre-called-out for our cavalier relationship to facts and history, we boldly march to the podium holding no notes apart from the Floorpunch textbook and filibuster extemporaneously on the comings and goings of the second band in our special and arbitrary South Carolina series, GUYANA PUNCH LINE.

Mortality, virality, and the uncertain nature of unprofitable survival are all wrapped up in tales of disaster as we begin our slow march through the 9th colony and 8th state to face ASSFACTOR 4.

Whisk away with us to an island of nightmares where we'll contemplate all the most incoherent and under-planned performances of both the prog jam swamp and the taco talk wasteland before opening up a fresh Excel window to help appreciate the significant digits of genre boundary disrespectors CANDIRIA.

Join is in preparing for a bold new age of squatting in small apartments in Adidas track suits with cigarettes, vodka and doctor sausage while scrambling to piece together some italian beef content for tiktok before hopping in our Lada to see BOYSETSFIRE at the student center.

Algorithm necromancy, human flight, and old god incantations against pestilence are all that we have available to us in our shrinking, failing world, but one document of dissection reminds us that you can always smoke. Have some WORD SALAD, it's all you can eat.

In this episode we hash out some some important survival strategies that you may actually find rewarding while living under a sky that rains planes down on you all day long. We also rack up another state on our desperate race to 50... can you believe how non-trivial it is to find 50 hardcore bands? But someone finally convinced us to skip the Slipknot episode and do MODERN LIFE IS WAR instead. Amazing!

This week we appreciate the sporting life with the lively arts of slapping, lamppost tossing, one-handed chili methods and the geolocation thereof before driving a pin directly into the capital of Utah in our fantasy travel map and then completely unrelatedly thinking about the pre-jazz post-hardcore stylings of hot ICEBURNS in your area.

This week we visit your cousin and check out his situation before a reading of names in honor of all the WWII guys who came home to weird cousins and stuff. This episode officially marks the beginning of our formal struggle to complete the USA map magnets on our RV by covering a band from every state we haven't hit yet. This month, Reno NV's THIS COMPUTER KILLS.

It hasn't been Halloween for months but your blood will run cold when the episode unexpectedly jump scares into spooky chat although now that I have spoiled this for you, you'll be all tense waiting for scares and won't have any fun. Aww man I really pooched it dude I'm sorry. Let's hit the gym and talk about Seattle's HIMSA instead.

The thin veneer of democracy peels away like delicately shredded layers of slow roasted chicken as we contemplate such 2020 topics as working from home and self improvement before doing the hard and honest work of listening to an incredibly serious record from deepest darkest Indiana ca. 1994, a rare fossil from our library that some prior intern has labeled ONCE AGAIN.