Breakfast With The Beak

This week, some nefarious goings-on have forced us to talk about Tim Allen. What can Tim Allen teach us about modern American manhood? How much can we blame on him? And speaking of manly things, how long before we get distracted and start talking about that Rick Perry video? Have you seen that thing? That […]

What’s your strategy for surviving the inevitable zombie apocalypse? Sure, you think you have a pretty good plan, but we’re talking about it anyway because you asked. We damn “The Walking Dead” with faint praise, pitch a book to that lady who wrote “Twilight,” and tell some stories about the weird phone calls we get […]

It’s Beatles vs. Stones day, and we’re not wasting our time debating who the better band is… we’re just putting them in a cage match and letting them fight it out! Did Ringo have Care Bear-style superpowers? What the hell were the Care Bears’ powers anyway? When the hell did everyone’s suitcases get so big? […]

It’s our Thanksgiving Spectacular, and our topic is… surge protectors. Do they work? Yes. With that out of the way, we’re free to talk about pretty much everything else, whether that be frozen desserts shaped like real food, the stupid side of faster-than-light travel, or just some big-ass magnets. And if a whole bunch of […]

Wait, really? George W. Bush? This show didn’t even exist when he was President! But someone asked, so we’re going to examine his stupidity and, more importantly, his legacy. And by ‘legacy,’ we mean a gaggle of GOP candidates that we’re going to single out for mockery one by one. You like that? Yeah you […]

What separates a YouTube celebrity from, you know, a celebrity? Do millions of views matter if no one at the party has ever seen your show? Can we relate in any meaningful way to tween culture? These are the questions we’re avoiding this week as we discuss what it takes to be a breakout star […]

For years, a question has haunted mankind: how the hell did someone first figure out that cow milk was suitable for drinking? We answer that question, and explore the psychology of prehistoric humans, mostly by making shit up. Also, Leonardo da Vinci writes fan fiction about himself, a drinking game turns into a dramatic reading, […]

Why doesn’t your dehydrated fruit look as nice as Ron Popeil’s? If that question has been plaguing you for years, you can finally relax because we’re going to answer it for you! Travel into the mysterious world of food stylists, learn the truth about “painless” hair removal, and listen to us yammer on about Star […]

This week, we were supposed to talk about the urban legends surrounding the games we grew up playing. And we did for a while. But then we got really, really fixated on a minor character from a 17-year-old game that a lot of you might not even remember. But if you’re a fan of a […]

This week, we delve into the world of serious Biblical scholarship as we debate who would win in a no-holds-barred smackdown between Western religion’s most revered figures. How does this relate to Hitler’s time machine, star-whales, and fruit-bearing Ents? You’re going to have to listen to find out, but we promise it will become clear. […]

Flash mobs! Zombie walks! Out-of-control young people fucking up your commute! What does it all mean? We don’t know, but it’s this week’s topic, so we’re going to find something to say about it. Plus a bit of zombie history, a bit of convenience store robbery, and a lengthy discussion of Max Planck’s internet-meme potential. […]

How many superheroes should Ryan Reynolds get to play? I don’t know, because I am deathly ill and stoned out of my mind on flu medicine. So enjoy that, audience. I’m sure I did, even though I can’t remember recording most of this episode. Apparently, I came up with a better way to remake Footloose. […]

This week, we head back into space in search of white holes, where alternate universes may or may not be born. We intend to solve this mystery, even if we have to name-drop Neil DeGrasse Tyson several hundred times. Because seriously, how great is he? Somehow, we also end up talking about Waffle Nazis without […]

On the tenth anniversary of 9/11, we try to find something funny to talk about by going back to a simpler time: 1997! When Homer Simpson could talk shit about New York, and jokes about the World Trade Center were effectively meaningless! Eventually even that proves to be too much of a bummer, though, so […]

Well, we survived the hurricane, and to celebrate, we’re talking about all things Takei, and specifically why George Takei is awesome. And really the whole classic Trek cast. But mostly George Takei, a man who can make the word “douchebag” sound like a velvet sunrise in your ears. We also talk about YouTube a lot, […]

Hurricane Irene is bearing down on New York City, but we’re podcasting anyway. Why? Because the hurricane is just a distraction from the true threat: Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers, or CHUDs to the layman. When the subway tunnels flood, they’ll turn their attention to the world of the surface-dwellers, and our soft, pink, surface-dwelling skins […]

This week, Breakfast with the Beak is taking on the topic of famous puppets. So don’t worry. You-know-who isn’t famous yet, and does not appear in this episode. So join us as we burn off all the Tim Pawlenty jokes that we won’t get to use in the primaries, and maybe talk about some puppets […]

This week, we ask whether ghosts are real or imaginary. And we come up with an answer: we need our own TV show. Also, we consider the warlock-to-civilian ratio in America’s cities and the uselessness of crime-fighting cartoon dogs, and we remember the life of Bob the Buffalo Hunter. Subscribe via RSS Subscribe via iTunes […]

The public wanted to know our opinions on colors with weird names, so we got out our big box of crayons and scribbled a new chapter in the Book of Grievances. Should kids be allowed to vote on color names? Did scientists make up indigo just so they’d have a better mnemonic device? Will painting […]

Have you ever driven in a rainstorm that was so bad that you had to pull over? That’s the question we’re trying to answer this week, and that fact that neither of us drives won’t stop us. We’re doing important work here, whether that means revolutionizing the way we teach physical education, or just reviewing […]