Breakfast With The Beak

Right now, on Earth, a group of billionaires have gotten together and decided we should extract resources from asteroids. And they’re building a spaceship to do it. Yes, it’s a topic so awesome that we didn’t even bother picking it at random. Learn all about who’s involved, what they’re doing, why it rules, and whether […]

Hybrids! It’s a kind of car, but it’s also a sciencey word for abomination! And if there’s one thing we love here at Breakfast with the Beak, it’s an unholy mutant squawking for our attention. Join us on a whirlwind tour of the world of genetic engineering, from the humble mule to the mighty spider-goat! […]

Fruit snacks, am I right? They sure do come in some crazy shapes. At least we think they do; we haven’t really kept up with them since elementary school. So the show mostly ends up being about the Titanic, Kim Jong Un, and our ongoing back-and-forth with Jay V Mail. Come for the show, stay […]

Oh, that’s right: this topic was submitted in all-caps. And we decided to go with it, because it’s a topic that demands the caps lock key. We can choose any totalitarian hellscape we want! So naturally, we decide to talk about Easter candy, behind-the-scenes publishing-world gossip, and alternate titles for John Carter. Oh, and the […]

How has no one asked us about the Muppets until now? And how have they never come up during any of the times that we’ve drifted off-topic? In short, why isn’t everyone constantly thinking about the Muppets? We can’t answer that, but we’re happy to answer just about any other Muppet-related questions our fans might […]

Season Two kicks off with what is easily one of the weirdest topics we’ve ever received. So of course we had a lot to say about it. How are soft drinks named, and who makes these decisions? Whatever happened to those big kegs of McDonalds orange drink? Why would we ever apologize for last week’s […]

For our season one finale, we got trolled again. A clever fan has exploited the topic-suggestion system, and we decided to go along with it because it was pretty funny, and it gave us an excuse to talk about Monopoly. Where lesser broadcasters would simply wax nostalgic about the little Scottie dog, we focus on […]

Twitter. You use it. You’ve probably even read some good stuff on it. But guess what? Some people have no idea what they’re doing on Twitter. They’re misspelling, abbreviating, going over their character limit… it’s downright unsportsmanlike! Oh, and a lot of them are just spamming you because they want to win an iPad or […]

This week, we got an offer from a company that wanted to sponsor a topic… and it immediately fell apart, and we wound up discussing the topic for free like a couple of chumps. Which means you get your household cleaning tips without any pesky advertisements! You’ll learn why you should never let cows into […]

Women be shoppin’, right guys? Seriously, we’re asking. We aren’t entirely sure. Are those men on the benches at the mall really waiting around for their wives, or are they just there for a Cinnabon and a little me-time? And can we stay on-topic long enough to figure it out? Of course not; we need […]

Danger: Diabolik! It’s been a long-running comic book, an infamous movie, an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, and — in our overactive imaginations — a really amazing crossover episode of Archer. And despite all that, you’ve probably never heard of it. Listening to this episode won’t really help you with that, but we do […]

All right, get the obligatory nocturnal emission jokes out of the way. Done? Good, because that’s not what this show is about. This show is about the people who line up on the sidewalk to buy stuff as early as humanly possible. And weirdly enough, we don’t judge them. We have no problems with people […]

A guitar can make you a rock n’ roll god, but in the wrong hands it can ruin an otherwise great party. So how can we learn to spot the difference? Can a musical instrument be inherently cool or uncool? Can a staton wagon? If you pound on a bike helmet, does it really become […]

Another week, another Big Damn Question. This time, we’re trying to figure out when it’s appropriate to swallow all the pills in your cupboard at once. So tune in, because this episode has something to offend nearly everyone. And that’s not just marketing bullshit; this episode is actually pretty horrifying. From suicide to British tabloids […]

Generations of nerds have been told they will inherit the Earth someday, while their tormentors will end up mopping floors and pumping gas. But is there the slightest chance that real life works that way? We plan on getting to the bottom of that, mostly by examining the mediocrity of the world around us. Why […]

Running with scissors. It’s the classic childhood safety hazard, and the cornerstone of lazy jokes about mental illness. Are we going to talk about any of that? Kind of. But we’re pretty distracted, because the Governor of Mississippi just let a bunch of murderers out of jail for, like, no reason, and that’s way more […]

Truck Nuts! Scourge of the highways and back roads of this great nation! A stunning display of virility to one’s fellow motorists! Or maybe just some silly crap to stick on your car when your pissing Calvin sticker starts to lose its novelty. Whatever the case, we’re going to figure it out and still find […]

So many things start with the letter U! For example, “Uhhhhh,” which we say quite a few times while we try to work out where the hell to go with this topic. But that’s a good thing, because it’s New Year’s Day, and you don’t need too much excitement or noise when you’re hung over. […]

Are we going to let the fact that it’s literally Christmas day stop us from posting a new show? Hell no! It’s not even a gimmicky holiday episode! No, we’re celebrating the season by talking about our big plans for the end of the world, where we will make our living as dashing outlaws delivering […]

Do energy drinks work? Yes they do. Have we done semi-scientific experiments on ourselves using energy drinks? You know it. Do we have funny things to say about this topic? Probably. Join us in a magical world of extreme sports, questionable brand names, flying Englishmen, and rusty washtubs full of malt liquor, and we will […]