Tranquil Tirades

Before the main course next episode, the guys thought they would have a vampire appetizer in the form of BloodRayne 2: Deliverance: AKA Uwe Boll's laziest film ever. Also, they share their thoughts on the original subject of their ire: Spider-Man 3. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

This month, Damien and James tackle possibly the most ineptly made film in the annals of the show: B movie classic, Samurai Cop. Join your beloved hosts as they discuss horrible wigs, the lamest gang in all of fictional media, and classic Sega CD shooters. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Special guest Adam Karabel joins The Real Protagonists this month as they finally cross Howard the Duck off of the list. Good riddance to bad duck puns. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Van Damme does it feel like a long time since your hosts have been able to kick back with a fun action movie. Well, okay, Double Team is a mostly nonsensical, often baffling collection of loosely related scenes, but the ending is cool! Look, we'll take what we can get at this point. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

They've got an anger and a snark that you've never seen before / They've got the ability to withstand films that are a bore / This show, listen to James and Dubs / You will hear their childhood die / Go Go Tranquil Tirades / Go Go Tranquil Tirades / Go Go Tranquil Tirades / You masochistic Tranquil Tirades / (guitar solo) Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

You know, for a movie called The Happening, there ain't a lot going on here. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Just when you thought movie sequels couldn't possibly get any worse than Highlander II: The Quickening, here comes a film that not only completely negates the entire Highlander mythos, but also royally besmirches Freddie Mercury while it's at it. Yes, it's Highlander: The Source, which truly shows that there isn't more to life than this. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

After the slog of last episode, it's time for James and Damien to relax and cool down with some paper-thin plots, concussion humor, and the simplistic beauty of the establishing shot. It's A Talking Pony!?! Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

In an episode that was apparently destined to happen, your revived hosts tackle their fourth Transformers movie: Age of Extinction. Any hopes that it would be better (or even shorter) than the previous were soon dashed, as yet another episode record has been broken. Join The Real Protagonists as they discuss more vapid characters, bad humor, and downright infuriating moments. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

So remember when we died? We got better. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Santa with Muscles. The end of an era. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

In their first foray into the world of dramatic romance, James and Damien cover Glitter, the Mariah Carey vehicle that caused her to go insane for several years. Not even 1980s nostalgia can save this one, mostly because the movie itself can't decide what decade it's in. Also: Max Beesley can't decide which accent to use, and the writers can't figure out what a loan shark is. This is also the second official Tiradesverse appearance of Da Brat. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

It's been a while since your hosts have covered a bad horror movie, but Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation makes up for it by being simultaneously boring and baffling. It's a movie starring Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger in early roles they'd both rather forget. It's mostly about running and knockoff arena rock. And the Illuminati, we think. Also, that Leatherface person makes a cameo. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is a movie that has been on just about every "Worst Movies Ever" list, so why did your hosts wait until their third anniversary show to cover it? Well, what else can really be said about a movie with a jillion characters, an idiot villain, even dumber heroes, and some of the worst dialog in cinema? A lot apparently. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

After the intense pain of the last episode, the hosts have decided to sit back with some sweet bass riffs and genocide, courtesy of Yor, the Hunter from the Future, a movie in which the bulging pectorals and overbearing theme song are constantly fighting for screen time. It's just as awesome as it sounds. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

This month, your faithful hosts tackle their biggest challenge of the year as they review the "film" adaptation of the "book" Twilight. It's so bad that James and Damien could not do it on their own, as they're joined by Big Damn Heroes host and expert on the subject of being a female: Hannah Krueger. Together, the three of them try to figure out just exactly what the hell everyone likes about Bella, the effectiveness of staring as a mating ritual, and the rule infractions of Thunder Baseball. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

In what had been long-requested and -dreaded, James and Damien finally tackle Godzilla (1998), the tale of an ugly, speedy lizard and the incompetent group of humans on a quest to find it, feed it lots of fish, and destroy every building near it. It's a movie so fixated on cutesy comedy that it forgets to be anything resembling fun or dramatic, featuring the cast of The Simpsons and perhaps the worst actress in all of the Tiradesverse. Also, a great mystery is solved, and Chaka Khan is referenced. Enjoy. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

While Dragonball Evolution certainly isn't the worst movie your heroic hosts have ever reviewed, it is probably the laziest adaptation of a source material ever seen to this point. Join them as they tell the tale of a spiky-haired kid and a Jim Carrey cosplayer embarking on the world's fastest Easter Egg hunt. This is the part when we note that this podcast is longer than the movie. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

In what we guess is the podcast equivalent of a Russo Swerve, your faithful hosts review an Italian-animated movie that massacres the story of the RMS Titanic, only not the one they said they would. Rapping dogs are brushed aside in lieu of kitten-stepping villains summoning mafioso-sharks with a magic flute to manipulate a giant octopus to throw an iceberg, who can only be stopped by magical dolphins and a young woman that has consumed her body weight in LSD. Listen to see if James and Damien's hearts ever go on beyond The Legend of the Titanic. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

To commemorate the 30th episode of the Tirades, your courageous hosts endured the Lindsay Lohan bomb I Know Who Killed Me. How many problems are there just with this movie's title? Why are we supposed to care about a girl who's on screen for less than 15 minutes? Why does a girl who has been mutilated not cooperate with cops? What is with all of the gargantuan leaps in logic and plot holes? And why is there so much blue everywhere? None of these questions are answered, but you will get plenty of lengthy rants from both hosts. Happy... 30th episode...? Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.