Tranquil Tirades

In another blast from the past, The Real Protagonists go Uwe Bolling for Soup once more as they revisit the vampire action romp BloodRayne. Also, the most epic feedback section imaginable. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

For their next trick, James and Damien spend over two hours covering an 83-minute movie where nothing happens. Because you demanded it: A Talking Cat!?! Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

After nearly 30 hours of editing, we humbly bring you a look back at the year that was 2013. All of the movies, all of the rants, all of the pain. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

To end the year, your hosts took in a viewing of the filmic achievement Santa's Slay, starring Bill Goldberg. This episode is short and fun, just like the movie. We've earned it. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

A guest host, a dangerous button, a stupid bird, and Edward Furlong. Farva time is over. It's The Crow: Wicked Prayer. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

ZARDOZ~! Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Torque: The tale of James and the Giant Key. (Fans of The Ramones may want to skip this one.) Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

It's Dark of the Moon / Most confusing film so far / Michael Bay should stop // James and Dubs are done / No more stupid Transformers / Longest show ever Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

In what is easily the longest episode of the Tirades thus far, your brave hosts tackle Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, a movie legendary for its overbearing stupidity. For more than three hours, James and Damien try to tackle every single nameless robot, racial stereotype, and giant gaping plot hole. This episode is brought to you by SNICK. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Despite all of our stalling, we knew we'd have to get to this point eventually. James and Damien spend nearly three hours covering the first movie in the Transformers trilogy, the installment that's inexplicably considered the good one. It's not. This show is not recommended for diehard Transformers fans or those sensitive to product placement. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

In what was originally planned to be a mini-breather episode before the pain of Transformers, James and Damien instead spend a full-length episode tackling Heroes of Wrestling, which is widely regarded as the worst wrestling pay-per-view of all time. Drunken promos, botched moves, old school rasslin' stalling; this show has it all. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Pain, thy name is Airbender. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

This episode of the Tirades breaks the all-time record for most unanswered questions ever caused by a bad movie. Why did the guys agree to watch another Uwe Boll movie? Why Alone in the Dark? Who is Christian Slater talking to? How do guns work? Why does anything happen in this movie? Does anything happen in the movie? We offer no answers, only entertainment. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Cherish the day that the Tirades return with everything you've come to expect from the show: Sade references, Atari bartering, and exploding model planes. James and Damien tackle Highlander II: The Quickening, a movie so incomprehensibly flawed that it has become synonymous with horrible cinema. So hang on to your love, because this movie proves it's never as good as the first time. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

On this day five years ago, James created a monster the likes of which he curses every day: the Tranquil Tirades. In this, the fifth anniversary special of the Tirades, James decides to take a few more years off of his brain's life by going back over every bad movie he has reviewed, ranking them from "pretty bad" to "revolver-to-the-temple awful." Enjoy. He sure as hell didn't. Music in this episode: "Everybody Get Dangerous" by Weezer (the Tranquil Tirades opening song), "Take the Long Way Home" by Bloodhound Gang, "Gotta Get Away" by The Offspring, "Duality" by Slipknot, and "Thnks fr th Mmrs" by Fallout Boy. Please visit http://tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

Okay, so there's good news and bad news. Good news: The Tirades are back with a new episode. Bad news: They had to suffer through Catwoman, a movie both hosts agree is in the top three worst they've ever covered. It features lots of CG, easy acrobatics, and a really old Sharon Stone. Also, the worst line of dialog in the history of the Tirades. Visit tranquiltirades.wikia.com.

In a world brought to the brink of destruction by The Doily Incident, no one was prepared for what came next.

James and Damien discuss Masters of the Universe, interdimensional travel, and the future of the show.

Troll 2 is a movie about vegetarian goblins that kill people with cake, so don't blame the guys for talking about fast food and the Ernest filmography.

The Nutcracker in 3D. A short holiday episode full of made-up words and creepiness. Enjoy. We sure as hell didn't.