How To Die Alone

In Alaska, millennial bears eating ass are becoming a real problem. Beware the outhouse! Also, on this thrilling episode of "How to Die Alone" podcast: -Matty has been watching reruns of "The Amazing Race" -Stephen takes investment advice from his junk -David's dad roasts him over his lack of oral hygiene -Matt expects certain accents to have certain opinions and his former classmate becomes a psychologist -Arizona makes it a crime to lick ice cream and put it back on the shelf -We devise some amazing new Oreo flavors - Nabisco GET AT US! -Texas mayor declares "only the strong will survive" like an absolute psychopath -We detail how easy it isn't to leave Florida in the event of hurricanes -Stephen drops the historical knowledge about Florida's awesome highways -And old, rich people create jobs we didn't even know we needed

Apparently Cleavage Ohio Has Amazing Hills and How to Die Alone is here to free climb them by hand!   Also in this adventurous episode of "How to Die Alone": - Amanda has a hard time eating bagels - We discuss the appealing sides of different breads - David wonders if ladies can order “Everything Semen” for In Vitro Fertilization - Stephen explains how he engulfed David at the roast - Apparently people are falling in love with their Pelaton instructors - The gang debates about a White Male Professor that pretended to be a Female Immigrant of Color on Twitter - Amanda gets free wings at Hooters for ripping up photo of ex-boyfriend - David mansplains to Amanda (again as usual) about how Women don’t know what they want sexually. He needs to stop listening to Patrice O’Neal - The crew discusses how Cleavage Ohio has the best hills!

One passionate group begets another as we go from Quran to Karen. And we're joined by MMA fighter turned stand-up comedian, Dylan Walker! Also in this week's thrilling installment of "How to Die Alone": -We talk about the TikTok hustle with Dylan -Geranium Smythe joins the podcast again -David and Matt don't respect sports teams with silly names -Matt doesn't know what a standard is -Dylan makes a fast friend with a leader of a motorcycle club -David and Stephen explain about how zany the Westboro Baptist Church is... was...? Are they still a thing? -Dylan's record in street fights is less than ideal and Dylan is a resident expert in Power Ranger history -Dylan and David bond over skirting controversy with BLM bits and jokes about the capitol rioters -Stephen watches "My Octopus Teacher" and learns so much about life and cephalopods -and Dylan explains the plot of the Tiger Woods documentary, "Tiger" on HBO

The mark of the beast is injected into the hand of the upper body. Also on this week's thrilling installment of "How to Die Alone" -David doesn't wanna get killed by Steve Buscemi -Stephen confuses Steve Buscemi with Rob Schneider -Matt is a poor man's Fabio, despite not taking a goose to the face -Stephen gets the good word about the COVID vaccine on a card left on his car -David learns about DNA manipulation and the human genome -We reminisce about board games like "Monopoly" and the game of "Life" -We imagine a fight in a Kinkos between employees who are passionate about their work -Matt watches "Hamilton" and confuses Aaron Burr with Bill Burr -David explains the GameStop GameStonks situation, and then Stephen cleans it up. -Teacher appreciation day for Matt entails a twice baked potato -Stephen details the game tournament "Rock the Rock" as seen on "High Score" on Netflix -And Zoomers rebel against their millennial parents

When cars die, All Cars Go to Heaven! Also on this week's thrilling installment of "How to Die Alone": -We imagine Matt running up Machu Picchu -David wishes he brought his ping pong paddle to a brewery -Stephen and David do a show in the old "Back to the Future" courthouse -Stephen hits an unknown object and seriously messes up his car (now accepting CashApp $StephenHangry) -David was made in a Build-A-Bear Workshop -Matt completes his 100th Peloton ride and all he got was a boring ass t-shirt -Matt can't ride the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith at Disney anymore -Amanda breaks down the bizarre history of pumpernickel bread and her love of eavesdropping on strangers -A man in Ukraine runs around naked, covered in guts, and holding his father's severed head -and Amanda wants a Brownstone Brunch Box for an exciting mukbang adventure.

Celebrate 8 nights of Hanu-Cuck with Amanda and the boys! Also on this week's How to Die Alone: -Stephen reviews the best part of "The King of Staten Island" -Matt drops medical knowledge about recovering from traumatic injury -Amanda learns everything about Scientology from a documentary -Matt drinks a rose flavored Monster energy -Amanda and Matt watch "90 Day Fiance" -Amanda and her boyfriend attempt to negotiate birthday threesomes (good and bad kinds) -A cat's birthday party in Chile is a COVID super spreader event -Women on Bumble turn over the insurrectionists who invaded the US Capitol on January 6th -Amanda stumbles across a possessed doll on Facebook marketplace -and Matt discovers a new toy that any dog would be happy to play with.

Get you a bowl of Tos-Feet-Os Toe-Tilla Chips for this week's episode of How to Die Alone. On this week's episode: -David goes to get his feet done up at a salon -David would not use his car to stop crime -Stephen introduces us to nightmare bagels you can order online -Denmark launches a new kids show about a man with a magical.... well... just watch/listen -A human rights lawyer gets caught going full Rachel Dolezal -The world's oldest sperm is discovered, and its source was not the creep who won't stop staring at you at a Denny's -Biden's rescue dog gets ready for a puppy inauguration (d'awww) -David runs for office in 2024 (despite his desire not to) -and Amanda stumbles upon a sizeable Cheez-It cache.

We're serving up 2 Fingers of Cold Brew in this week's episode! Also on "How to Die Alone" this week: -We shudder to think about what British people eat -We're joined by a mystery guest -The Guardian is yet another rag that attempts to take us down -David explains the plot of "Snowden" -Florida law enforcement agents raid a data scientist's house to suppress COVID statistics -The Nashville bombing on Christmas gets little to no coverage and one womyn knows why -Squirrels in New York City are violently attacking people -Matt plays "Cyberpunk 2077" and brags about it because he thinks he's something -A woman plans to name her baby something controversial in order to keep it from having an easy life -David hates Sherlock Holmes's stupid little hat -and we watch a man fire the world's largest handgun.

They say it stood for Baines, but they SAW it stood for BIG! Lyndon B Johnson was the 36th President on paper, but number 1 on a ruler. Lyndon B Johnson named his big member "Jumbo" and wasn't shy about showing it off. - Amanda unboxes her KeyPort - We invent a new product called The Bear Bag - Pelican's have a different meaning in Pensacola - Amanda learns Davey and Matty about how to tell Asians apart - We learn of a father getting tatted for his son - The gang is taught about the ancient Chinese tradition of "Iron Crotch" - Lyndon B Johnson would show his 10+ inch pet to White House Staff, whether they wanted to see it or not

We''re cooking up a bacon grease Air Wick with Johnny B, from "FTS with Johnny B" and "The Johnny B Show" from 102.5 the Bone in Tampa Bay. -Amanda is getting a free KeyPort Pivot as her Christmas bonus -Johnny B refuses to use a Fleshlight he got as a gift -Johnny B reinvents the Karen meme -We recount our failed merch idea for hats and shirts -Matt and Johnny B bond over their COVID exposure experiences and how to identify fellow Covies -Johnny B, a member of the media, explains why you shouldn't trust the media -Johnny B and David bond over the artistry of barbecue and how Johnny upset a barbecue chef with his critique -We talk about how everyone is vacating New York to come do standup in Florida, the obvious heart of comedy -Matt wears a shirt that offends everyone except the people it should -We dig into the nitty gritty of bills and how those bums in Washington just can't do it -Johnny B is a fan of Tampa sports and even introduces us to the USFL Bandits, named after Burt Reynolds -David gets confused

Otter's up north got sad penis bones and faces FULL of powder! What's Emmet Otter's wife going to do? If you know, you know! Also on this week's tantalizing traumatizing episode of "How to Die Alone": -Matt beats a woman... at every game they play together -We learn Amanda a thing or two about the female experience -Matt notices shocking similarities between military personnel and frat bros (style choices) -Amanda yearns for a man with a boat to take her across the seas -A Canadian couple is upset that their poinsettia isn't dying like it's supposed to -Otter penis bones (baculums) are getting frail due to contaminants -Matt discovers river bricks, which are totally naturally occurring -San Francisco 49ers and Denver Broncos effectively can't play football because COVID said "no" -Ammo shortages ruin Christmas and people aren't able to put any shells in their family's stockings -A woman defends child labor in Africa as being pretty awesome and Amanda's grandmother used to tend the pineapple fields

Davey plays "Air Ranch" in the new animated basketball comedy "Space Ham"! Also on this week's "How to Die Alone": -Matt Williams watches dogs in an aviation themed neighborhood -We review the amazing new (to us) invention, the KeyPort Pivot! -A plane lands on a brown bear mother in Alaska -Andrew Cuomo gets an Emmy nomination for his spectacular work in Aaron Sorkin's "COVID Press Briefings" -We learn about physics and/or geometry through the art of watching someone be way too good at playing pool -Foul mouthed swearing parrots have to be separated at a zoo to keep it PG -Canadians are encouraged not to let mooses... meeses... moosen lick salt off their cars -A cat in Sri Lanka smuggles drugs and SIM cards into a prison -We learn about, CIVVL, an Uber-like service for evicting people from their homes during a pandemic for fun and profit -and, of course, we watch some of the dumbest TikToks you've ever seen!

This week, we're talking about the LatinX-Games! Get your longboard and your cranberry juice and go full TikTok superstar with us. Also on this episode: -David learns about plaque psoriasis in Matt learns what Jeep stands for -Stephen devises a new concept for an Italian coffeehouse -Matt beats David in a rousing game of darts -David hates the smell of the ham plants in Virginia -An Oregon man sets some U-Hauls on fire when he throws a firework at his ex -Ducks decide where to get the best bread and lay the duck D down -Strippers start to deliver food to make extra money in the era of COVID-19 -We discuss how Godfather's PIzza should be considered a crime against humanity, why the Wawa Gobbler is one of the greatest inventions, and bizarre mandatory restaurant greetings -Matt visits his burrito in the intensive care unit and finds out a Taco Bell cashier is feeling more than terrific. -David knows a little too much about "Stand and Deliver" and "Kingpin" -And some women really get into it at a sho

Get on the Mukbang Bus with us! On this episode: -Stephen isn't a Florida cracker, but a Maryland claw cracker -David and Matt bond over the award winning masterpiece cinema of "Varsity Blues" -We watch a TikTok furniture repair video that gets a little spicy -David introduces a US citizen/third world country exchange program -A Texas boy wins a mullet championship where he competes against freedom flappers, modern mullets, and Tennessee top hats -Stephen is a proud Italian, or at least he used to be -Arnold Schwarzenegger lectures beta soy boys on how they don't properly enjoy their stogies like he does -Nikocado Avocado horrifies us with his McDonald's Mukbang video where he eats over $100 of McTrash -and Rudy Giuliani organizes a grassroots campaign initiative at a landscaping business in Pennsylvania that he mistook for a Four Seasons Hotel.

We're talking about the Gentlemen's C-Word. Which C-word? The answer may shock you! On this episode: Matt Williams drops some Johnny Cash history on us Matt looks like Heat Miser from "A Year without Santa Claus" Amanda the intern learns about biker culture Amanda gets a COVID scare and has to keep her throat coated to avoid catching the corona David Wayne is hopelessly addicted to lozenges and a recreational drop user Amanda pitches her interview show where she talks tennis on the streets Stephen educates us on the only way to play the Soviet anthem David and Matt reminisce fondly over President Obama sinking a 3 in a viral video Amanda teaches us about the "Glizzy Gripper" and David is tired of young folx slang A man in Davie, Florida goes full contact with an adult leopard and gets an earful We remember Sean Connery getting slappy and David doesn't know the difference between Foreigner and the Police.

Are dinosaurs even real? The Fresh Queen of Bad Air doesn't think so! They're just a conspiracy from Big Science. On this week's episode of "How to Die Alone": -Stephen shows off some door handles designed to prevent suicide -We learn about a snack foood where you're supposed to just eat the whole dang bag -Shark Tank goes will for dog toilet paper, Pooch Paper! -We watch a YouTube video about how dinosaurs never existed, but dragons did -Dr. Phil ain't your daddy, and he says so on TikTok -David pitches his new product - Slap in a Box! -We reimagine the Big Mouth Billy Bass with a nu metal soundtrack -David was haunted by his Teddy Ruxpin -Matty wants us to guess how many ceiling fans are in his parents house -and David answers every question anyone's ever had about "Over the Top" with Sylvester Stallone

On this week's episode: -David just wants to tell his story and winds up exhausted -Amanda introduces us to the Florida boot -We celebrate the marriage of airboats and snow -David educates us on Florida's historic logging industry -Stephen watches a true crime series where cameramen follow people committing crimes in real-time -Matt Williams helps someone move, someone who isn't Amanda or Stephen -Matt Carter calls in from the mean streets of Uber Eats -Matt Carter and Stephen Henry do a show where they compete with some playoff sports -The GPS doesn't know where Matt Williams lives -Stephen finds a used car dealership where the vehicles have great gas mileage -Matt Carter gets into a disagreement over graphic design -Matt Carter and David reminisce about being into tuning their Civics -We invent the first masculine hygiene product and discuss amazing inventions by women -We review the hot new board game Ms. Monopoly -Amanda goes all the way off on retractable leashes -Amanda learns Matt Willi

On this week's episode of How to Die Alone - Episode 151 - Bundt Cake Baguettes: -We thank our YouTube audience for helping us get our own URL at 100 subscriptions -David tries to wrap his head around sub sandwich rings -Amanda gets out of the basement only to be sent to a resort -Matt Carter prefers drinking while on shrooms -Stephen presents everything you never thought you'd need to know about tanukis -Amanda discovers a new way to store racoons -We get horrified by the Mario for Atari commercial -We clap back at the defenders of the Proud Boys in our comments -We discuss why Milo Yiannopolous didn't get to go to CPAC -Matt Williams pirates a cherished Lee Greenwood anthem -The Matts meet a real life millionaire -We analyze the Kickstarter for the "Really Karen?" board game -David goes off on vegetarians -We review the anti-racist reporting system Yelp implemented -David eats dinner at a segregated restaurant in Indiana -and Amanda and Matt Carter come out against designer dogs

On this week's episode, we're talking about sandal lickers! Also: Matt Williams fights his way through medical school with his emotional support keg Fraternities don't make pizza at all Stephen learns why Jimmy Johns is charging him an extra quarter We have maximum rage over the minimum wage We discuss the Trump poster that supports ALL troops Matt Williams learns a thing or three about personal fitness from old gym rats Stephen explains how old men are able to speak We imagine megachurch pastors like Joel Osteen and the dingus from "The 700 Club" getting even more holy An Irish court determines Subway bread isn't bread Spain declares a food fight with Jamie Oliver Stephen pitches "Encino Man 2" and David pitches his supper into boiling water Bad Bunny and KFC both have some sold out Crocs Matt Carter learns how to spell flibbertigibbets Matt Williams's old neighbors get some brand new yard barges And we lament the loss of the video tape rewinder profession.

On this week's episode of the "How to Die Alone Podcast": -Matt Williams gets day drunk on Vizzy Hard Seltzers for his birthday. -Matt Carter works a show at an event center in Port Richey. -Stephen does a comedy show and notices a mysterious substance on his car. -Matt Williams and Amanda the intern go to a bowling alley, Matt dines on the shrimp, and the bartender refuses to mix them drinks. -David does a commercial for Everest University because he ain't doing nothing! -We fondly remember the "love tester" machine at bowling alleys and bars. -Matty tortures us all with 90s techno. -David reads us an entry from his LiveJournal from 2004. -A local restaurant patron weighs in on getting shorted on meat at a Pollo Tropical. -Amanda shows off a TikTok about a microwave and fruit snacks. -and Machine Gun Kelly says Pete Davidson hooking up with Ariana Grande should give all us other completely average guys hope!